Grouse
by eveningspirit1
Summary: BSG AU – What if Zak Adama had not died in a Viper crash? Ch8 :Act Of Contrition: Zak tries to become a pilot, but Lee has objections. What really happened that made Zak resign from Flight School all those years ago?
1. The Ceremony

DISLAIMER: Characters and the universe of _Battlestar Galactica_ do not belong to me.

BETA'ed by AMMONITE - thank you!

---

GROUSE by -yannik-

Chapter One – THE CEREMONY

---

_Galactica _was about to be decommissioned. And it's Commander was generous enough to invite his son to the Decommissioning Ceremony. What had changed? – the latter mused. What did that invitation mean? That his father was reaching out? That he was searching for some kind of redemption? Did it matter after such a long time? Two years… Hard to believe they were at odds for that long, not talking to each other even once, but William Adama was one stubborn bastard. And his son wasn't much better – he had to admit to himself.

But if this invitation was a gesture on his father's part, not taking it would mean they'd be at odds forever. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to start making things better between them. So there was only one choice, in fact.

Plus there was one other person he was looking forward to seeing onboard _Galactica_.

---

"Ah, Mr. Adama, finally you're here."

How did Madam Secretary Roslin manage to make him feel so intimidated? They have met a couple of times before, and each time he felt like a kid. Probably because Madam Roslin had once been a teacher, and young "Mr. Adama" had often heard teachers talking to him in this manner – especially when he was late.

"I'm not late" he said, trying out his most charming smile on her. "Not technically, as the ship has not lifted off yet."

"Not technically," she repeated, not amused. So his Adama charm didn't work this time. "You've met Billy Keikeya?" she introduced the tall man sitting next to her.

They had met, in fact; they had been in the same law school for the past two years, though they were far from being friends – rivals more likely. And they had both applied for internships in government departments. One got the position in the Ministry of Education, while the other was in the Ministry of Defense, which was quite understandable given his family connections and previous attendance at Military Academy.

Shortly after they exchanged polite greetings and finally took their seats, the captain announced preparation for lift off, and soon Colonial Heavy 798 was on it's way to the rendezvous with _Galactica_.

---

Once onboard the Battlestar, Secretary Roslin and Billy Keikeya were approached by a smug guy in a leisure suit who presented himself as someone from Public Relations. The twosome followed him to their quarters, but the _Galactica _Commander's son was to have a slightly different reception.

"I am Petty Officer Dualla" a female voice caught his attention. "Commander Adama will meet you in his quarters as soon as he is available." The petite dark-skinned girl with a lovely smile gestured for him to follow her.

The girl and the smile were lovely alright, but the words not quite. 'As soon as he's available' was not exactly the right welcome if his father wanted to make amends.

"So while he's _not _available…" After all the Old Man was not the only person he wanted to meet here. "Could you direct me to Lieutenant Thrace's quarters?"

The girl nodded with a strange smile.

"I'm afraid you can find her in the brig right now."

Why wasn't it surprising?

---

"Wait a minute, when have I seen that last?" he asked, smile evident in his voice, as he saw the muscular blonde doing pushups on the cell floor. Of course he was happy to see her, and happiness prevailed over any anger he could feel for her ending up in the brig for some stupidity once more.

To be honest her unruliness was one of the things he loved in her.

"So, what have you done this time?" he asked as she got up to greet him through the bars.

"Struck a superior asshole," she replied with a smile.

"Right. I bet you've been waiting all day to say that."

"Most of the afternoon, yeah."

She was smiling so broadly, he thought the top of her head might fall off.

"Missed me?" he asked, knowing his face looked equally stupid.

"Mmhm" she nodded. "Me… and your father both."

"Right," the happy atmosphere vanished in an instant. "I haven't seen him yet."

"Why not?" she asked with accusatory tone. How often had he heard that over the last couple of years?

But this time it was hardly his fault! "Kara, don't even start," he tried to warn her, but she pressed on.

"How long are you gonna do this?"

"I'm not doing anything. I'm not the one responsible for all that! He rejected me after I decided to quit the military!" he raised voice and her face contorted. She was getting hurt so easily, and he really didn't mean to scream at her. He hadn't seen her for months, and their first encounter ended up in argument after just a few sentences. If he really wanted to save whatever was left of their relationship, this was not the way.

She was the first to break the silence though. "Now he's reaching out to you," she said softly, but with determination. She tried so desperately to repair what was probably beyond repair.

He looked at her sadly, almost with compassion. "Somehow I have a feeling this was not really his idea, was it? Somehow I think it was all your doing."

She lowered her gaze, and that was enough for him to confirm his suspicions. Commander Adama sent this invitation only to please Starbuck. Or to get her annoying persona off his head.

"He really does love you, Zak. No matter what he says" she said looking into his eyes again.

---

Zak was not convinced. Kara could tell that by the look in his eyes. Damn, why was he so stubborn? Why was his father so stubborn? And added to that was Lee, who seemed to give absolutely no crap about what was happening with his family. If there was one person who could bring Zak and his father together – it was Lee. But the latter just didn't seem to care.

That's why when he came to her cell shortly after Zak had left, she nearly jumped at him.

"Look who's here – Captain Adama himself!" she started angrily. "Sorry I wasn't there to greet you with the rest of the squadron. Did they kiss your ass to your satisfaction?"

His only reaction to her insult was a slight rise of his brows. He seemed to have learned to ignore her over the years.

"So, what's the charge this time?" he changed the subject.

"The usual" she replied. She definitely wasn't in the mood to entertain him.

"Right." He stared at her for a while, but not having found any fitting response, he changed the subject. "So… I guess I'll go get dressed more… ceremonially then. The ceremony starts in a few minutes."

Frakking quitter! – Kara thought angrily.

"You're going to see your Old Man, right?" She stopped him from walking out on her.

He half turned back to her, and nodded. "Right." And he searched her face, knowing that there would be more, his eyes wary.

"You know that Zak's here?" Kara asked.

"He is…" Lee hesitated. They gazed at each other, unspoken words passing. But they'd had those conversations so many times, each could tell exactly, what the other wanted to say. Finally Lee sighed. "Kara. I have no influence on my father, you know that."

"No, I don't" she cut in. "I know that you don't want to try."

Lee just shook his head. "I gotta go. Really, the schedule is pretty tight. Pity you won't be flying with us, could be some fun," he smirked at the end, but she was not amused.

When he left, Kara slammed the call bars with such force, she feared some bones in her hand could get broken.

---

As the ceremony was unfolding, and Lee was interviewed and photographed over and over again, with various officials or members of _Galactica's _crew, he started feeling bored and annoyed. The biggest ceremony was still ahead – all the speeches as well as the fly-over – and the Captain was thankful he'd get to spend that time in the cockpit. Being the Battlestar Commander was a tough job – he thought. His father must have endless patience to endure those politics and press. Somehow Lee felt compassion towards his Old Man, and when the Commander lingered in Ready Room after the group of visitors, led by an irritating guy in a leisure suit, had passed to their next destination, Lee stayed behind too.

"You want some coffee?" Bill Adama asked, noticing his son.

"Yes, please. Thank you, sir." Lee stepped closer and took the cup from his father's hand.

"So…" They started simultaneously.

Lee looked up, sheepishly, and they both gestured – you first. Awkwardness ensued.

"Congratulations on making the Captain" Bill said finally. "Sorry I couldn't be there, but we had a real glitch."

Lee nodded. "It's okay. I got your congratulations note." He really hadn't felt offended then, strangely enough he'd been quite relieved when he'd gotten the notice that his father wouldn't be present. Took off the added pressure to be two hundred percent perfect at the promotion ceremony.

"I'm very proud of you son," Bill smiled.

Of course you are – Lee thought with odd bitterness. And said simply "Thank you."

"What did you want to say?"

Lee looked up at his Old Man. He didn't _want _to say anything. Especially _this_. But he knew he had to. "Have you seen Zak yet?"

The Commander's face hardened, as he turned away, sighing. He sipped on his coffee, staring at the wall ahead, and Lee regretted pulling his brother's name out.

"My guess is," finally Bill spoke slowly "that Starbuck told you he was coming."

"Actually, she told me he was already here," Lee admitted.

"Is that right?"

Silence fell again, and the younger Adama felt as uncomfortable as one can get. He desperately searched for some subject he could change this conversation to, but his mind was empty. Frakking Starbuck!

"My guess is, it was her idea all along?" he said suddenly, and the Old Man smiled.

"Well, you know Starbuck."

Yeah, Lee knew Starbuck. And he also knew the affection his father felt for the crazy pilot. So seeing that half-smile on his dad's face, he jumped at his chance. "Listen dad. Maybe Kara is right. Maybe you could get over it and…"

"Don't even start, Lee" Commander Adama interrupted, his smile vanishing. He was none to be intimidated by those childish attempts, especially not from Lee, who had, so far, never questioned his authority.

But this time Lee didn't want to back down. The pressure from Starbuck was one thing, but Lee knew that, for the whole last two years, his father had been utterly wrong.

"Zak is a grown man, Dad," he said calmly. "He has a right to make his own decisions. And maybe this one was…" Lee hesitated, seeing his father turn towards him. "the right one." he finished.

An Adama Glare pierced him to the very core. "What?" the question was hissed through a clenched teeth. Oh, no decision that didn't meet the Commander's expectations could be a right one, Lee knew that very well. Very well indeed. He braced himself, for there was no giving in anymore.

"I don't know" he said with an odd feeling in his guts – like there was nothing to lose anymore. His voice was calm and steady as he spoke the next line. "Maybe he felt that he wasn't cut out to be a pilot."

Lee saw a brief flicker of fury in his father's eyes. A flicker he saw once before – on the day William Adama came to Caprica to see for himself if his younger son was indeed quitting the military. A flicker that expired immediately, for William Adama was a man who controlled his emotions outstandingly.

"That will be all, Captain" the Commander uttered, placed the empty cup on the table, and turned away to walk out of the room.

And just as Lee was musing at how inefficient his attempts always were, he heard a voice form behind his back.

"_A man isn't a man, until he wears the wings of a Viper pilot._" The tone was light, but mocking. "Hello Dad. Lee." Zak was smiling at both his father and his brother, but Lee saw that the kid's eyes were somber. And the Old Man – though startled – was starting to boil inside. This wasn't going to end well. And Lee, being Lee, had no idea how to solve this situation. While Zak, being Zak, knew exactly what to do. He kept talking. "Won't you say 'hi' to your daughter? Zakaria it would be, or what?" he checked with Lee, if the idea was plausible. And came up with another. "Or perhaps Starbuck is your son, and… well… I'm just this girl he's in love with. What would you say, Lee, about having a brother like Starbuck?" he asked, stepping near and elbowing his big brother.

Lee stifled a chuckle "Not really into it, he's a frak-wit. I mean she… I mean…"

"Yeah, well" Zak interrupted Lee's stammer. And looked at his father, who was still standing at the opposite exit, staring at his two boys. "Good to see you Dad" he said straightforwardly. And expected nothing but positive response.

"Good to see you too," Bill Adama answered. And after a split second added "Son." They both stood eyeing each other, and Lee looked from one to another, completely bewildered. He was expecting a nuclear blast, but there was calmness and sort of… mutual respect… hovering in the air. Finally the Commander spoke. "I'll talk to you later. After the ceremony. We need to get ready. Lee, you should change into your flight-suit." He turned to his older son. "The show begins in fifteen minutes."

With that he left, and the two brothers stood in the room, reeling on the past conversation. The tension lingered. And of course it was Zak to relieve it.

"Well. For the first meeting after two years it didn't go that bad, did it?" he joked.

"Yeah" Lee sighed, smiling. "Not bad at all."

"Won't you give me a hug?"

Just as they were patting each other's backs, there came an announcement for the service to report to the hangar bay.

"I'll walk you down there," Zak offered.

They strolled side by side in silence for a while. Lee was amused with the outcome of the short meeting between the Old Man and Zak. Why hadn't they met earlier, why had it taken so long? If they'd met, they would make up, they surely would. Why had they suffered separation for that long? And why he hadn't tried harder to repair things? Was Kara right, that he didn't want to try? But that made no sense, he honestly hated seeing his brother and his father hurting.

"So how does being the captain suit you?" Zak's question startled him out of his revere.

"Great" he breather out after a moment.

"_Atlantia_?"

"The best Battlestar in the Fleet."

"That's what everybody says" Zak scrutinized his big brother for a few seconds. "You proud of yourself?"

"Yeah." Somehow Lee didn't feel like talking about his promotion. It didn't feel like an important enough subject at the moment. "So… Kara is pursuing you and dad to get along?" he returned to the more weighty issue.

"She's one stubborn lass," Zak smiled.

"More stubborn than William Adama?"

"Yeah."

Lee wanted to make sure they didn't frak it up this time. He wanted to tell Zak how to behave, what to say to the Old Man, not to make the latter upset. Or pissed off even. But truth be told he had no idea what Zak should do. He had never been on such a shaky ground with his father. On the other hand, Zak had this ability to break Old Man's defenses with just a few words, what they had all just witnessed back in the Ready Room. That made Zak so similar to Mom.

"Mom was like that, too," Zak whispered, and Lee looked up at him, startled. Did the kid just read his mind, or what?

"What do you mean?" he asked carefully.

"Stubborn," Zak repeated, staring ahead. "That's why it didn't work out between them. That's why they always argued."

So that was what he meant. Yes, mom was stubborn. Zak was stubborn too, they all were.

"Yeah," Lee nodded not quite knowing what to say.

They neared the locker room, and Lee expected Zak to say 'bye' here, but the kid didn't seem to notice where he was.

"That's why it won't work out with me and Kara," he admitted softly, not looking up at Lee.

"You're still together" Lee observed.

"Well… a relationship after a marriage proposal is rejected, is a bit awkward, you know," Zak reminded angrily, looking around, but still unaware of why they had stopped. Lee knew that the thing with Kara was eating up at him, so he decided to give his bro a few more seconds. He knew how Kara Thrace could get under one's skin; it got him years and love for his little bro, to scratch her out from under his own. "Besides we're seeing each other what? Twice a year for a few days?" Zak complained.

"It's gonna change, so I've heard," Lee said, probing if the rumors he'd heard were true.

"Yeah," Zak nodded. "She got that post in Caprica's Defence Base. She's coming there in a few days, when everything here calms down."

Lee smiled. A ground base was not exactly a dream come true for a viper pilot, but they were talking about Starbuck. "Given her record it's the best she could get," he smiled sadly. "A shame, she's such a great pilot."

"But the authorities look at all aspects of the service, not just the flying ability," Zak commented, and Lee disliked him for a moment.

"You're already talking like a lawyer," he said with resentment. The kiddo went to flight school, alright, but he never fully understood the excitement of real space flight. Frak, he never even felt it! He could not identify with Kara in this.

"Sure," Zak nodded sadly, and Lee put his dislikes aside. Kara could take care of herself, and pilot's principles were not what his bro needed right now.

"Bottom line is you're going to have her at your side every day now," Lee smiled reassuringly. "Guess that's good?"

"Frankly – I'm afraid of that" Zak admitted, but he relaxed visibly too. How was he able to always be such an optimist? "I'll try my best to win her back, anyway. And to win her for real this time. Go get changed, time is running out." Zak smirked, and patted Lee on the shoulder.

"Sure," Lee complied. Turning away he added, "When Zak Adama sets his mind on something, his prey is surely lost."

"Break your wings!" Zak smiled broadly.

"Right." They parted, but Lee remembered something else. "You'll be on Colonial Heavy later? I'm appointed to _escort_ her back to Caprica. One fancy flight – five hours in a cockpit there, five back. Frak."

"But you love it" Zak had to remind him. Always the optimist. "No," he answered. "I guess I'll give Kara's efforts a shot and stay. Dad said he's going to have a chat with me after the ceremony, and my guess is this whole ritual will be over enough for him to have a minute for his prodigal son not sooner than tomorrow morning. Plus I can have five more arguments with Kara in the meantime, so... I'll stay. I'll see you on your next shore leave, right?"

"In four months then."

"You'll be staying at my place again?"

"If you clean the mess!"

"C-ya!"

"Sure! And uh… say 'hi' to Kara for me."

"I will."

---

t.b.c.

I hope you like this set up. If you feel like reviewing, don't hesitate to do so!


	2. Heavy Loses

DISCLAIMER: The characters and the universe of _Battlestar Galactica_ do not belong to me.

NOTE: Great thanks for all the reviews. I've never had 12 reviews for an opening chapter, oh my, that was such a pleasure!  
I'm glad the trick with "who is it?" at the beginning worked. However… Lee would never be late for Colonial Heavy, don't you think? I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too.

Great thanks to AMMONITE for BETA.

---

GROUSE by -yannik-

Chapter Two – HEAVY LOSES

---

William Adama stepped into his quarters and took in the sight of his younger son. Zak had changed over the last two years. Matured. It was there, in his eyes still playful, but wary now. Anticipating.

"It's been a while," Bill sighed, nearing his desk, where Zak sat on the other side of it.

"Yeah," the younger man replied. "And whose fault is that?" Quick and sharp in retort.

"Zak, don't do this," Adama warned.

"Yeah, I know, I know. Sorry" Zak backed off immediately, but there was no air of defeat to it. "I've missed you," he said then.

He was so blunt. Always straightforward and self-confident.

"I've missed you, too," the father replied, words coming into his mouth before he thought better of them. But he meant it. He meant it, even though it was playing right into Zak's hands.

The son immediately used the opportunity to shoot back. "So why did it take Starbuck nagging you to invite me back into your life?" he asked. "There were plenty of opportunities earlier."

Yes, there were. Launching scientific projects from _Galactica_; those times Bill had been on Caprica; Lee's promotion ceremony – surely Zak had been there. Or…

"There was one opportunity in particular," Bill whispered bitterly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

The Commander looked up at his son. This was a subject he'd rather not discuss, it was in fact one of the reasons his resentment towards Zak and Lee increased, something that caused pain even after so many months.

"Your mother's funeral," he voiced it nonetheless.

Zak's face softened. He actually felt embarrassed. But if they were going to start repairing their relationship, this bridge needed to be crossed as well.

"I found out about it from Ellen Tigh," Bill continued, "after a couple of months. I don't know what you think or thought, but I loved your mother once. It was painful news. And it was also painful to realize my sons left me out of it. I can understand your anger, but this was too big a punishment, Zak."

"I know," Zak whispered. "I'm sorry. Lee said you wouldn't care, and then… Well… I believed him. I should have known better than that. I am sorry."

"Lee," Bill Adama sighed. "I never thought…"

"Dad, don't blame him…" Zak wanted to say more, but at this moment a telephone ring interrupted him. He really didn't want Lee to be held responsible, but neither did he want to be the one to be criticized for something they had done together.

He patiently waited for his father to finish whatever business there was, but the Old Man's brow furrowed noticeably.

"In the clear?" he asked the officer on the other side. "What does it say?" Listened for a moment, his brows furrowing even more. "I'll be right there" he said finally, and rose. "Stay here, Zak," he ordered and was out the door in an instant.

Zak stayed behind, not really thrilled with postponing this conversation. But that's how it was when a father was a Battlestar Commander. Or whatever else military. Did they ever have a chance to talk? Didn't matter how important the subject was, there always was something more important.

Sighing with resignation, Zak grabbed one of the pictures that was standing on his old man's desk. Turned it around, and was quite startled to see his mother with him and Lee as kids. He had no idea his father would want to look at something like that while reading his precious reports.

He traced her blonde hair, noticing with surprise that he did miss her. They had never had an easy relationship, but she had been his mother. She'd stood by him when he'd made the decision that would alter his life – to quit the military. Truth was – it had been a decision she'd wanted him to make all along, but she really had been supportive, especially when Dad had come to berate him. Unlike Lee.

Lost in a memory of his big brother's disloyalty, Zak was truly startled when an alarm sounded.

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill," the speakers said, and repeated over and over again.

Apparently the situation that required his father's attention was more complicated than Zak initially thought.

He got up and approached the hatch. At the corridor people were running back and forth and shouting to one another. There really seemed to be some mishap and suddenly Zak got scared. He needed to know what it was. He hoped he remembered the way to the CIC where his father surely was.

"Step out of here," a marine halted him in one of the corridors. "The civilians are not allowed in this area. Go back to visitors' quarters."

"My name is Zak Adama," Zak said. "I am the Commander's son." He knew it didn't matter much.

"The Commander is busy now, you…" the marine was interrupted by the man himself, over the speakers.

"This is the Commander," they heard him loud and clear. "Moments ago this ship received word that a cylon attack against our home worlds is under way. We do not know the size or the disposition or the strength of the enemy forces…" Zak stood speechless, staring into the frightened eyes of the marine, as his father continued. This could not be happening! "…_Atlantia_… complete destruction of Picon Fleet Headquarters… we are at war… Further updates as we get them. Thank you."

"No frakking way," he breathed out.

"I need to escort you to your quarters," the marine stated blankly.

"I don't think so," Zak replied, and cast a look that his father would not be ashamed of. He needed to be useful, he knew there was something for him to do, and he would not be sitting in visitors' quarters like some crybaby. Luckily the marine was too confused to argue.

Zak needed to find the CIC.

But all the corridors looked the same. All turns, all levels. Most of the marines tried to get him off the way, so he had to avoid them; the officers scolded him too. He needed to change that silly civilian suit if he wanted to roam around the battlestar. Frak, he had no idea where he was, and at this moment he wouldn't even find the way back to his father's quarters. But he couldn't ask anybody for a direction! They would just tell him to lock himself someplace safe.

Just then he heard a voice that could only belong to a very angry Kara Thrace. What a relief!

"Kara" he shouted, as she rounded the corner. "I want to help" he said, before she had a chance to ask what he was doing there.

"Then come," she answered simply, not stopping her jog for a split second. He fell into step by her side, a few marines following them.

"What are you planning?" he asked.

"There are some Mark II fighters in the starboard hangar bay," she replied. "We need to get them in the air."

---

It took some time and effort to transport the birds to the port launch bay. It took a little less to have them airborne, even though some refused to cooperate. But eventually everyone was out flying and fighting when the cylon raiders attacked.

"That was quite a run," Zak sighed, rubbing his forehead, once Kara's viper was finally launched. A shy, dark haired girl next to him smiled sheepishly. It was her idea that got Starbuck finally flying. "Zak" he extended his hand.

"Cally," the girl replied. "You've got grease on your forehead," she pointed, and Zak rubbed it self-consciously, probably not making it any better. The look on the girl's face confirmed his suspicions.

"If you think you look better, you should think again," he retorted with a broad smile. Cally laughed nervously. The situation was tense, and Zak realized he was yet to comprehend what had really happened. The cylons had attacked. What was going to happen now?

"Alright, everyone!" Chief Tyrol called for their attention. "We're not getting any vacation here! Clear this mess! Go, go, go!

As the people started rushing around, Zak decided to stay close to Cally. She seemed familiar with the environment, and could give him a few tips, in case he was risking the Chief's wrath.

They were moving the equipment around the bay, all the while listening to the pilots shouting to each other over the wireless. For a moment Zak imagined himself there, and realized he had no idea what it was like. Then he thought about Lee, and if his big bro was safe. Stupid thought – no one was safe anymore.

And then he heard some female – probably Starbuck's – voice calling, "_Galactica_, you've got an inbound nuke. All Vipers, break, break, break!"

"Brace for contact!"

And then there was a blast, the whole ship shook, there was a terrible noise, then people screaming, crying in pain all around him, fire on his skin and in his lungs, someone shaking him, and screaming at him. Zak understood words "pressure suit," realized he was given some clothing that resembled a flight suit. He wasn't trained for this! But he was trained for something… Over two years ago… There was fire, noise, screams, so much fear. He knew people were dying all around him. He didn't want to be one of them! He didn't want to…

---

The Commander was cautiously watching the DRAIDS console, all the while leafing through the reports coming from all damaged areas of the ship, instructing Colonel Tigh on verifying the munitions depot stocks on Ragnar anchorage, and listening to Tyrol's casualty report.

"Set up a temporary morgue in hangar bay B" he ordered gruffly.

"Forty seconds, sir." Tyrol was still standing there. "All I needed was forty seconds. Eighty-five of my people. I told… I told that son of a bitch…"

"He's the XO of this ship'' Adama stated firmly. He was not taking complaints from the deck crew, not while they were at war. "Don't you dare forget that. Now, he made a tough decision. If it had been me, I would've made the same one."

Chief Tyrol wanted to say more, but hesitated, greeted his teeth.

"Resume your post, Chief."

"Sir. Permission to speak…"

Bill gave Tyrol a glare, but he knew his man. He wouldn't counter orders if it weren't something really important.

"Granted."

"Your son was down there" Tyrol said softly, and Commander's heart froze. "I'm not sure if he… I'm not sure in which group he's been. I don't…"

"Get casualties list from the sickbay" The Admiral instructed Petty Officer. His son? How? Lee was away… Zak? "What was he doing down in the hangar deck?"

"He was helping us to transport Mark II birds, and prepare them for combat. I'm sorry, sir."

Bill was thunderstruck. Overwhelmed with worry for his child, but also – suddenly – he felt pride. His boy did not sit back, like a civilian would. No, he found something useful to do. He wanted to fight.

"I'm sorry, Bill" Adama heard Colonel Tigh's whisper right next to him. "I had no idea…"

Bill turned to him, and looked him in the eye. "And if you had" he answered with force, "you wouldn't decide any different. Chief," He turned to Tyrol, still waiting. "Resume your post," repeated his order, and Tyrol left immediately. "What about that munitions depot?" the Commander turned his attention back to the military matters. He had a whole ship full of people to look after, maybe more. Maybe all the people in the Colonies that needed his protection. Personal grief or personal worry had to wait.

"Munitions depot confirmed," Tigh reported, "but we have two problems. One, Ragnar station is at least three days away at best speed. Two, the entire Cylon fleet is between here and there."

There was only one solution. Not desired, dangerous, but the only possible way to get around this problem – an FTL jump

Before they were able to prepare the ship though, there came a priority message of destruction of all the remaining Colonial Battlestars. The cylon attack was devastating. If there was anything left in the Twelve Colonies, there were scraps. And they needed to regroup. And they needed a leader.

"Send a message to all the Colonial military units" Adama stated calmly. His attention was focused like a laser. "Use priority channel one. Message begins _'I am taking command of the Fleet. All units ordered to rendezvous at Ragnar anchorage for regroup and counter attack. Acknowledge by same encryption protocol. Adama.'_"

His orders were met with an unexpected reaction.

"We received a reply from Colonial One, sir" Petty Officer Dualla reported shortly after the message had been sent.

"Colonial One?" the Commander was surprised. "I thought the President was dead."

"It says that newly sworn President of the Twelve Colonies, Laura Roslin, requires our assistance in rescue operations" Dee stood in front of the Commander and read the message. "They ask how many hospital beds we have available, and how long it will take us to get to their position."

The mention of hospital beds reminded Commander Adama about his son, who might, or might not be at the Life Station at this moment. And he hadn't even had time to check his status yet! He looked at the printed message Dualla handed him, and saw the signature – "Apollo" – his other son's call-sign.

"Is this a joke?" he spat, but the girl didn't respond. She knew when to keep silent. "Are they within voice range?"

"Yes, sir."

Seconds later he was connected with Lee.

"Apollo, is your ship all right?" Bill asked without further delay.

"Yes, sir."

"Is your FTL drive functioning?

A moment of silence, then "That's affirmative."

"Then you're ordered to bring yourself and all of your passengers to the rendezvous point. Acknowledge."

"Sir…" Bill heard hesitation in his son's voice. This was not possible! Captain Adama was not going to disobey a direct order! "We're engaged in rescue operations" Lee said nonetheless, though cautiously.

The Commander was about to lose his temper. "You are to abort your mission immediately and proceed to Ragnar."

"The President has given me a direct order" Lee defied again. Alright, so he felt torn between two orders, but he should know better!

"You're talking about the Secretary of Education!" Adama hissed. "We're in the middle of a war and you're taking orders from a school teacher?"

Again a moment of silence, and… "Stand by, _Galactica_."

What the frak? What was this kid thinking? And that smug Secretary of his. A President? Frak no! Bill was about to terminate the connection, and let them all go to Hades. 'Stand by' the Captain says to the Commander. Like frak! But there was some stir right behind his back in his own CIC, so he turned his interest there.

Gaeta stood at attention "Sir, we have a remote sensor telemetry at Captain Adama's location and two enemy fighters are closing in on their coordinates."

Bill picked up the headset immediately. "Colonial One, this is _Galactica_. Apollo, you have inbound enemy fighters coming toward you" he yelled, but got no answer. "Get out of there! Apollo! Lee!" the DRADIS screen flickered, then died.

After a long moment of silence, Gaeta announced in a whisper "Fifty-kiloton thermonuclear detonation. Cylons moving off, sir."

This could not be happening. Not Lee. First Zak, now Lee. This could not be real.

Commander Adama refused to let the news in, not yet. And his military training was a great help once more. "Resume... jump prep" he uttered. If there was nothing else left, at least he still had his command to take care of. He had people who needed him. He had to cling to that.

As the FTL drives were spinning up and computers were plotting the jump, there finally came a message from Life Station. With his heart in his throat, the Commander read the list of casualties, and there it was, his name – Zak Adama – mild abrasions, possible concussion ruled out, some second degree burns. To be relieved from sickbay. Unwanted tears stung Commander's eyes.

"The board is green" Colonel Tigh announced. "The ship reports ready to jump, sir."

"Take us to Ragnar, Colonel."

Ten seconds count-down was too long. And then this stretching sensation, the moment when time stopped… And moved again.

"We appear to be in geosynchronous orbit directly above the Ragnar anchorage" Colonel Tigh reported with visible relief.

"Colonel Tigh. Let's update your chart for a course right down into the eye of the storm."

"Yes, sir."

"And Colonel... You have the deck."

Commander Adama couldn't wait any longer. He had to see his son.

---

Zak winced when a nurse was bandaging his forearm. His face hurt too, and he found it hard to smile at her when she assured him that the pain would soon fade. She was nice. Nurses were usually nice, contrary to the doctors. Zak winced again – not from pain though, but at the sight of the white head of Doc Cottle, who was marching through the Life Station, checking on his patients here and there. There was a lot of crying and moaning all around, and Zak found it hard to keep his stomach in check.

"How's this one?" the Doc grumbled to the nice nurse.

"I'm almost done with the dressing."

"Fine. Kick him out then, we need beds." He cast a glance at the patient and grumbled again. "Stop making a face like you were about to puke here young man." He shook his head and sighed "Civvies," as he turned to leave.

"I'm Commander Adama's son," Zak couldn't stop himself any more. He'd had it with the doctor complaining with him not being military and putting all the blame on that fact.

Cottle turned to him again and shot him a once-over. "Your DNA doesn't make you a soldier, kid. Now, you're free to go." He pointed at the exit as the nurse placed a final adhesive and left to see his next patient.

Zak stepped off the bed, and his gaze turned towards the exit. To his genuine surprise he saw his father standing there and looking back at him, his eyes teary. There was no way that the tough guy Bill Adama would cry – Zak thought. He must have been mistaken, it must have been light reflecting in Old Man's glasses.

"Dad," he said approaching his father. When the Old Man didn't answer, Zak realized his Dad was really shaken. He'd never seen this kind of expression on his father's face. "Dad, I'm fine. Just a few scratches, and an empty stomach, but Cottle already had my ass for messing his floor, so I hope you'll be gentle on me."

"Zak," was all Bill Adama could say, as he pulled his son in a tight embrace. Zak was alright.

"Hey, they said pain killers would kick in soon, but I think they haven't…" Zak tried to set himself free from his father's grasp. "Yet… Hey. I really am okay" he smiled reassuringly. "Didn't know you cared that much." He started feeling uncomfortably with his father's strange display of emotions.

And then his father whispered one word, "Lee…" and Zak understood.

No… He wanted to scream, but his voice caught in his throat. Not Lee.

"He was on one of the civilian ships, when cylons nuked them. There was nothing…"

"No…" Zak finally managed to utter a moan. And then they clasped in embrace again, but the burns didn't hurt anymore; the pain inside was too huge in comparison.

---

When Kara was told by Chief Tyrol that Lee had died – well not directly, but he made it obvious enough – she didn't let her emotions surface. She strolled down the corridor, saluting and returning salutes, and her face betrayed nothing.

Only when she closed the door to her bunkroom, she let herself feel the grief. The bunkroom – the Senior Officers' quarters – was empty, there was no one there. They all died, Kara thought. All of them. Jolly, Stormer, Mark… They were all up in the air when the cylons struck. She was the only one left, all her friends…

She stopped looking around the room, looking at their racks.

Her friends.

Her best friend…

She opened her locker, and looked at the picture she had there. Of her and Zak. Took it out, and unfolded. Her and Zak, and Lee. She kept it folded, because she didn't like stupid comments of her roommates, or she didn't want Zak to see it by accident, but sometimes she liked to look at the older of the Adama brothers and imagine him near, imagine him giving her advice, berating her even. Always by-the-book, always right, even self-righteous.

Lee.

It hit her then, and it hit her hard. Lee was dead. He would never again tell her what a screw up she was, with that playful smirk in his eyes, that told her he approved of her nonetheless. He would never again display his annoying superiority. And the last words she ever said to him were in anger. She curled by her locker, sobbing uncontrollably and pressing the picture to her chest.

That was how Zak found her. He stopped in the hatch, uncertain what to do. He was devastated, his brother just died, and the only remaining family member had to return to his post. Zak needed a friendly shoulder to cry on, and it was only natural that he thought about his girlfriend, however strained their relationship had been in the recent months.

Somehow he thought the end of the world made this unimportant stuff even less important. And what really mattered was that they still had each other.

She was in pain too, and Zak wanted to understand it, wanted to be her confidant. She was the only senior pilot left on Galactica, and even though it was obvious earlier – in the hangar deck and during the combat – no other place could emphasize that loss more than an empty bunk-room.

Zak neared his crying girl and put his hands on her shoulders. She jerked free, and looked at him, her eyes puffy and red. He saw in her face, that it took her a moment to recognize him, and then she spat:

"Get out of here!"

"Kara, I…"

"Leave me alone!"

He realized she was holding something in her hand. A picture. A picture he knew. Of her, him and Lee.

So she was crying over Lee.

Zak's heart broke into pieces.

"Listen, I just found out too…" he started, but she pushed him away again, and stood up, her back to him.

"Go away" she repeated with strain.

Zak could not understand that. She was in grief, but why would she want to grieve for Lee of all people, without him?

"He was my brother," Zak stated helplessly.

Kara turned back to him with fury, "And what was he to me? Nothing?" and then she turned away again, threw herself on her rack and started sobbing into the pillow.

And Zak stood dumbfounded. What was Lee to Kara, exactly? Truth be told, Zak had no idea. First, when he'd told his big bro about his crush for his basic-flight instructor, Lee hadn't said a word about how close buddies Apollo and Starbuck had been at the Flight School. Later, when the three of them had been meeting, Zak had often felt like a third party. Sometimes he'd been glad that his brother and his girlfriend liked each other that much, but sometimes he'd been jealous, that they liked each other too much.

Once he'd even asked Kara if she wouldn't prefer to be with Lee, and she'd laughed at him. She'd said she wouldn't fall for Sir Tight Ass, and he believed her.

Now he wasn't so certain.

Infuriated and hurting, Zak turned around and left, slamming the hatch behind him. Standing in the corridor, he couldn't help but wonder if Kara would cry as hard if he had died.

And then he thought how incredibly pathetic he was, being jealous of a brother who was no longer there.

Lee was dead…

Zak had no idea how he would ever cope with that.

---

t.b.c.


	3. Feelings Extreme

DISCLAIMER: The characters and the universe _Battlestar Galactica_ do not belong to me.

Thank you guys for your feedback! It's greatly appreciated. And sorry it takes all eternity to update, but instead you're getting a really long chapter :). Hope you enjoy it.

Great thanks to AMMONITE for BETA.

---

GROUSE by -yannik-

Chapter Three - FEELINGS EXTREME

---

There wasn't a familiar place on the whole battlestar for the Commander's civilian son. At least now, dressed as a knuckle-dragger Zak could wander these corridors undisturbed. When he found himself outside his father's quarters, he stood there a moment, watched closely by the marine guards. One of the soldiers recognized him, nodded, reached to open the hatch. Zak shook his head and walked away without a word.

No, he didn't want to sit there alone and gaze at the pictures. Dad had more of them and Zak could only imagine - Lee at his graduation, maybe both of them at some family event. He didn't want to look at pictures of Lee right now.

He'd rather close his stinging, tearful eyes and remember his brother's smile, his voice. "_Ill see you in four months_", they'd said to each other. "_Say hi to Kara for me_." Kara. No, Zak wasn't going to think about Kara right now. He needed time to sort this one out. Lots of time.

He wandered down to the hangar deck and hid himself behind a pillar. The place was almost empty, with most of the crew gone to the station to gather ammo. Empty and nearly silent, except for distant knocking and banging. He had no idea how long he sat there.

It was so hard. Come to think of it, Zak should have considered himself lucky. His father still lived and was near, so was the woman he loved. True, he had friends back on Caprica whom he should mourn, but lots of people had lost so much more than that. Lots of people had lost everybody.

The sudden sound of a siren made him jump to his feet.

„Action stations!" the speakers called.

Then the sound faded.

„False alarm," someone murmured with relief.

Zak sat back in the crock of the pillar, trying to calm his pounding heart with a few deep breaths.

„Hey you!" somebody spotted him. „Come over here, we have visitors!"

Visitors? Zak jumped up again. At least there was something to do. Anything was better than this useless sitting and whining.

---

The ship that landed looked just like Colonial Heavy 798. The liner where Lee had been when... then Zak thought that every heavy liner looked the same. _Colonial One_ the vessel was called. That meant the President was now boarding _Galactica_.

However, the person coming out looked rather like a woman, which Adar was not. A familiar woman as a matter of fact. A Laura Roslin woman!

Zak gasped.

So this was Colonial Heavy 798!

Right behind Secretary Roslin came Billy, then a muddled gentleman who resembled that famous scientist, whose name Zak didn't remember right now and didnt even think about remembering, because right behind him there came...his brother!

Zak had to grab the arm of the man standing next to him for support. He ignored a concerned „you okay?" inhaled deeply, and strode ahead.

Madam Roslin was issuing instructions to Billy, the scientist and Captain Adama, but Zak didn't care. He only wanted one thing.

„Lee," he choked out and, as his brother turned to him, opened his arms and clasped him tightly. He was clasped back and patted gently.

„Easy, brother," Lee's whisper tickled his ear. „We've got a few things to do. Will you take us to the Commander?"

Zak unwillingly parted from Lee, and gazed at a slightly amused Madam Roslin.

„This is my brother, Zak."

„We've met," the President replied.

„We have," the younger man nodded. „But... President? Congratulations." Zak held out his hand. He knew he should have said more or, said it more eloquently, but at this moment he was too overwhelmed to trust his voice. Luckily she didn't pay him much attention, as she sent Billy and the scientist away.

„The Commander?" Lee reminded.

„Uh, I think he's at the station right now," Zak stammered. Lee gave him a scrutinizing stare and wanted to ask something, but was interrupted by a young man in a Petty Officer's uniform.

„Yes, he is sir," the man informed them. „But Colonel Tigh is expecting you in the wardroom. Please, follow me."

Marching through the corridors, the Adamas tried to catch up.

„What happened to you?" Lee noticed a bandage on his brother's arm.

„Ah, there was fire on the hangar deck," Zak explained timidly. „I was helping a bit. Doesn't even hurt. What about you? Everything okay?

„Yeah. We managed to fool the cylons, it was quite a stunt."

„You fooled us too."

„Right. Sorry for that."

„It's fine. After all... you're here now." Zak shuddered at the memory. No more than a memory now.

Lee nodded with understanding. „How's Dad?"

„He was devastated. But you know him; he has his duty, and we didn't talk much, wasn't time."

„Kara?" Lee asked, and Zak suddenly remembered all that had happened before. Kara's words, her anguish, distancing herself from him. He had forced himself to push that away, to give himself time to mourn his brother before dealing with her, but now...now his brother was alive, and he couldn't quite imagine the implications of his outburst.

A hand grabbed his arm as Lee stopped and turned to face him. „What happened to Kara?" he asked with strain.

„She's okay," Zak replied instinctively, and seeing concern still in his brothers eyes, wondered what Lee would do if kept in the dark for a while longer. Would he react like Kara did? Testing him now would be too cruel! Zak chastised himself. He would never do that to Lee. „Kara is fine," he repeated. „We just... thought you were dead. We'll talk later, gotta' catch the President" he pointed at the empty corridor ahead of them and strode forward, with Lee at his heels, still concerned.

None of them said anything until they reached the wardroom where Madam Roslin had already introduced herself to the Colonel and requested, no, demanded help. Zak snorted lightly. Madam Roslin was a nice woman, but had little idea about military personnel - especially someone as strict as Colonel Tigh was.

„As President of the Colonies," she stated, and Zak opened his eyes wide in anticipation of a response, „I'm giving you a direct order!"

„You don't give orders on this ship!" the Colonel's reaction was just as expected.

„...to provide men and equipment," Laura Roslin finished nonetheless.

Zak expected a blast. It would be justified; that woman, President or not, was a little too forthright for his taste - for the Colonel's too, as far as Zak knew his father's friend.

„Hold on, Colonel" suddenly Lee cut in, and Zak turned to him with surprise. „At least give us a couple of disaster pods, huh?"

Us? - Zak wanted to ask, but Colonel Tight beat him to it. Damn, Lee was military! Zak was not, and wanted to back the Colonel up, while Captain Adama countered? Something was off here. Zak turned to stare at Madam Roslin, who gave Lee an approving look. Alright, so she had caught him with her teacher games. Always the best student, Lee - that fit somehow.

The Colonel agreed to give two pods, and told the President to get them herself. Then he ordered Captain Adama to report to the flight deck. Didn't even cast a glance at the younger son of his Commander. Lee turned and left with a soft, „We'll talk later," whispered to his brother.

Zak stayed in the room with the President. Turned to her, and shifted from one foot to another, not quite certain what to do next. Leave just like that? With a simple „goodbye" maybe? But she was not the Secretary of Education any more.

The President broke the silence first. „You enlisted as a deck hand?" she asked openly, eyeing his uniform with that judgmental, but not exactly disapproving smirk.

„Just wanted something to do," Zak explained, despite himself. Just as he spoke, he knew this was his trained reaction getting the better of him. Always feeling guilty as if he had done something wrong and needed to find excuses. Not that he wouldn't find them, he had mastered this art back in primary school. But this teacher wasn't paying attention to his petty justifications. She knew better than he knew himself that this activity was temporary.

„Guess it will be hard with that arm?" she found a reason to prove her point instantly. „If you're looking for a job, I could use someone who knows the military."

Zak looked at her, and his first urge was to reject her offer on the spot. He hated being manipulated, and he hated that he usually gave in to manipulation. As he did this time; weighing the odds, he nodded slowly. He could take the offer, it wouldn't be for long anyway, he was quite certain about that. She would change her mind in a few days, as soon as she'd get to know him better.

But for the time being, Zak stayed with President Roslin, to discuss what had happened onboard _Galactica _so far.

---

For Kara, the best way to deal with pain was either to get drunk, or to engross herself in work - hard, physical work. In the current situation, however, wasting herself was not an option. So as soon as she was able to control her emotions again, she went down to the hangar bay and started messing around in her viper's underbelly. There was a lot to do. So she could forget.

At least until she heard a soft „Hey."

Sounded like Zak. She wished he'd just disappear; she knew that wasn't fair, she cared about him. She really didn't know how she felt right now, and she wasn't into digging into her own reeking bowels; that was always Lee's chore. Lee. Why did every thought have to get her back to Lee? She just wanted to stop thinking!

Whoever said, „Hey" was still standing there, and then he added „Starbuck?"

„What?" she spat, and despite of herself looked over.

And she saw Lee.

I took her a long breathless moment to crawl out from under the viper, all the time looking into his smiling blue eyes.

„I thought you were dead," she breathed out, feeling his strong palm closing around her fingers.

„Well, I thought you were in hack," he responded with his usual wit.

Gods he was alive. He was really standing there, alive and well. She let her tongue twaddle, not really registering what it was she was saying, not really knowing what he answered. She barely could hear her thoughts through the loud thumping of her own heart. Everything was lost in just the one sentence: „Lee is alive; Lee did not die."

„So...I'll be in the squadron ready room," he said, finally parting and turning away.

She nodded, but seeing him go brought her back to reality. She didn't want to lose him from her sight, he might get hurt!

„Hey," she called. Gods, she loved how his brow rose in a silent question. She should say something. Whatever. „Does your Dad and Zak," Gods, Zak! „Do-do they know you're still breathing?" she stammered.

„I haven't seen the Commander yet, but I spoke with Zak," he smiled lightly. „He took it worse than you, I guess," he smirked and left, not stopping this time.

Apparently he hadn't spoken about _that _with Zak. He had no idea. Frankly, she had no idea either. She could hardly remember what she had told Zak when he came to mourn his brother with her, but she had a feeling she had kind of frakked things up with him.

Frak!

---

President Roslin eyed Zak with hardly contained irritation. He wasn't able to provide her with any tactical information, since he had spent most of the time down in the hangar bay or in Life Station. He could only repeat exactly what Colonel Tigh said. That _Galactica_ was preparing for a fight with the enemy.

„Mr. Adama," the President said, shaking her head slightly. „I'm not sure you're aware of what the situation is out there."

„We were attacked by the cylons," he stated, angry that she treated him like a little boy. He remembered a look of mutual understanding she had shared with his big brother earlier. But of course Lee was the responsible, reliable one. Always fitting into the situation.

The President sighed. „We were _wiped out _by the cylons," she looked directly at the young man.

Before he could reply, Billy Keikeya entered the room, documents in his hand, and hesitantly took a seat next to Zak, facing Madam Roslin.

„Am I interrupting?" he asked softly.

„Not at all Billy. We were just discussing the tactical situation. I believe Mr Adama can be a valuable asset as soon as he gets familiar with the facts." She sighed and turned to her aide. „What are they?"

Billy cast a glance at Zak that was far from friendly, or so Zak thought, and pulled out his notes.

„Medical supplies are running low." Zak listened, and with each sentence felt more and more surreal. So this was it? Fifty thousand people were all that were left of the Twelve Colonies? Out of twenty billion souls? There was no way he could wrap his brain around this.

„Three ships have reported engine trouble."

Billy's oration was interrupted by the hatch opening.

„Madam President." Zak recognized his father's voice before he turned and saw the Old Man. He tried to smile, but the Commander didn't even look his way, didn't acknowledge his presence.

„Hello, Commander, have a seat," Madam Roslin replied courteously. „I'll be with you in a minute. Keep going, Billy."

Billy hesitated, but continued. „They want to know when they'll be receiving engineering assistance from _Galactica_."

„It's a good question." The President looked at the Commander with a light smile.

Zak felt the tension fill the room as Billy continued listing the problems, and Laura Roslin listened to him, making the great Commander Adama wait. She was a tough player Zak realized. No wonder she made him feel like a schoolboy. She was playing those teacher tricks on his Dad just as successfully.

„Thank you, Billy," she said finally. „Now, gentlemen, please leave me alone with the Commander."

Billy rose immediately, grabbing his suit and documents. Zak was a bit more clumsy, but strode out of the wardroom right after the tall man.

„Gods, she's going to have him right under her boot in no time," he chuckled as they stopped in the corridor. He inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times, trying to relieve the tension. Billy cast him a telling glance.

To avoid patronizing comments from his colleague, Zak quickly asked, „Where are you going now?"

„To the hangar deck I guess," Billy looked around. Suddenly he lost his self-confident facade. „I suppose we'll be leaving _Galactica_ soon, and preparing to take off, to... wherever."

„Right," Zak nodded. He was curious what his father was going to decide, but was afraid the Commander was not going to abandon the impending battle. On the other hand, the President had her ways of convincing even the most stubborn. „You're coming with us?" Billy asked suddenly, looking straight at young Adama.

„I don't know," Zak hesitated.

He had been, after all, offered a job in the President's administration. Or whatever it was now. And he had to agree with her unspoken assumption that it was better than being a knuckle dragger; it was definitely more his league, what with law school and all. But he had doubts. More important doubts than simply resisting a superior figure. As a deck hand onboard _Galactica_, he would be close to his family - his father, brother and Kara.

And suddenly he didn't want to be close to any of them.

„Yeah," he blurted out. „I just gotta' get some stuff." He had this nifty outfit and some personal belongings back in the visitors quarters, and the other suit down in the hangar-deck locker room. He had nothing more, no other property. Everything else had been left in his small apartment back on Caprica.

Back on now-nuked Caprica.

---

„I didn't get an accurate count." Kara's voice was distorted by the wireless as she was returning from recon outside the Ragnar anchorage storm. „It looks like two base stars with ten fighter squadrons and two recon drone detachments patrolling the area."

Lee listened to her and couldn't shake off the feeling that he had missed something. When he'd been debriefing her for this recon, she'd seemed to want to tell him something, but had brushed it off. It had something to do with Zak, that much he'd figured out. Zak had been edgy too, but they hadn't had time to talk longer than a few seconds - and weren't supposed to have more in the predictable future.

The break-up between Kara and Zak had been heralding itself for months, but choosing the end of the world to go through with it seemed like the worst timing in the Twelve Colonies, or what was left of them. But it was Kara and Zak, and between the two of them not many things were... how to put it? By-the-book.

Lee pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on the task at hand, as the Commander summoned him, Colonel Tigh and Lieutenant Gaeta to the tactical station.

The cylons were waiting for them to come out of the storm and pick a fight.

„I'm not gonna' play their game," the Commander declared. „Can we plot a jump from inside the storm?"

Both Colonel and Lt. Gaeta agreed that was not possible. The only way was to stick their nose out of the storm threshold just far enough to get an FTL fix, and jump before the cylons would launch everything they had.

„What about the civilians?" Lee asked, remembering far too well how many people they had already been forced to leave.

He was immediately brushed off by Colonel Tigh. „They're probably safe for the time being."

„The cylons may not even know they're here in the first place" Gaeta backed the Colonel up. „They're probably only after us."

Lee couldn't agree with that assumption. While he tried to reason with the two officers, his father didn't say a word, just stared ahead at the people in the CIC.

Until he suddenly made a strange comment. „They better start having babies."

Everyone eyed him with surprise.

„Is that an order?" Tigh attempted a joke.

„Maybe, before too long," the Commander answered, not amused at all. „We're going to take the civilians with us, leave this solar system and never come back."

„We're running?" asked Tigh, doubt evident in the tone of his voice.

„This war is over. We lost."

Lee sighed. He had always believed Commander Adama was a great leader. „My father's right," he said, trying not to make it sound adoring. „It's time for us to get out of here."

They hadn't agreed often, but when they did it was rewarding. For a moment Lee thought that he even saw something resembling a smile when the Old Man looked at him. It was gone the instant the Commander adopted his military face, ordering his CAG to prepare the viper squadron for the battle.

---

Laura Roslin and her entourage left _Galactica_ in a hurry. They announced the President's orders Fleet-wide, waited for the coordinates to jump and the signal to follow the battlestar out of the storm.

Zak sat in the cockpit of _Colonial One_, expecting further instructions.

„So, you are Captain Apollo's brother?" The pilot attempted a little small talk.

Zak turned to the man. Did he hear correctly? _Captain _Apollo? Lee was a moron - having a call sign of a god was a clear enough sign of it – but _Captain _Apollo?

„You know, his name is not Apollo, not really," he snorted.

„Oh, I know!" the pilot chuckled. „The President called him that, and it kind of took. They really worked close during that first crisis..."

„I know what my brother is capable of," Zak interrupted roughly.

He was rude. He was rude and he knew it - and didnt really care. What bothered him at the moment was the contrast between his feelings a couple of hours ago and now. How much he'd loved his brother when he'd thought he'd lost him. And how jealous he was now, about every single mention of his courage and intelligence. He should be proud, but he was only jealous.

The pilot didn't speak a word until they received the signal to move. They followed _Galactica_, and Zak watched how the powerful ship under the command of his father took position to protect the civilian fleet. He watched ships disappear in a flash of light one by one, while vipers launched and fought the cylon raiders. In one of those vipers was Lee in another was Kara. Apollo and Starbuck.

They were bound together on so many levels.

Time stopped, space distorted and returned to normal dimensions. Time moved on again. Zak thought that part of him had remained on the other side of the FTL jump. The part some people called heart.

He hoped both Apollo and Starbuck made it through the battle, then he could hate them both without feeling guilty.

---

Indeed, they lived.

_Galactica_ followed the Fleet, all ships waited half an hour on Condition One until the Commander decided it was safe to go to Condition Two.

„We'll fly over to _Galactica_," Laura Roslin said, „as soon as we step down from Condition Two. We need to sum this situation up somehow, make some decisions, and I want to consult with the Commander." She continued telling her staff all that she needed them to do, and Zak tried to pay attention. He really needed to focus because he needed to stay on this ship among her personnel. To sum his situation up, he felt completely alone.

„Madam President" a sudden call from the pilot's cockpit startled everybody. „A cylon basestar just jumped in!"

---

t.b.c.


	4. Crisis of Trust

DISCLAIMER: The characters and the universe _Battlestar Galactica_ do not belong to me.

Great thanks to AMMONITE for BETA

NOTE: Sorry for the delay, I have lots of excuses, but not going to bother you with them - I only apologize. And thank you so much for all your comments - that's what makes writing and posting worthwhile.

I messed up the timeline in this chapter - moved Adama's Big Speech About Earth to _after _"33". Hope it's not a big deal.

---

GROUSE

Chapter Four - CRISIS OF TRUST

---

Through the window of the liner's cockpit, Zak saw basestars launching raiders, vipers springing into fight again, ships flashing out of the sky one by one, and then – after Colonial One had jumped – flashing in on the other side. The last one was the Battlestar, after a long wait. Or so it seemed to the apprehensive young man.

"Give me _Galactica_," The President's voice startled him – he had no idea at which point she had entered. _Colonial One's _pilot established the connection and she cut straight to the matter. "Commander, what was that? How did they find us?"

"I have no idea, sir," Commander Adama grumbled. "But I recommend we stay on Condition One for a longer period now. We must be prepared in case they find us again."

"Of course…" she tried to cut in, but he didn't even notice.

"If you don't mind, sir, I must debrief my crew now," he stated and hung up, before she managed to confirm.

Laura Roslin blinked a few times at the receiver, then handed it over to the pilot and turned to Zak

"Mr. Adama, I was told it was not possible to track the ship through the FTL jump?"

Zak hesitated. Physics and astrometry were not exactly his finest branches of learning back in the Academy. So he just tried to appear smarter, "Well, because it's not."

"Theoretically?"

"Theoretically."

"What about practically?"

At that, Zak was stuck. "Honestly, I don't know. I'm not a scientist…"

But Roslin's face brightened up unexpectedly. "We have a scientist on board!"

She jumped into action. Got out of the cockpit, pulling young Adama with her.

"Doctor Baltar?" she called, looking around, and as she spotted the scientist, she asked straight ahead. "How could they track us through the FTL jump?"

Gaius Baltar rose from his seat and gazed at her, flabbergasted. "Uh, I don't know," he stammered. Then looked sharply to his side, bowed, then shyly gazed back at President Roslin. "No, I… know, however, that I can find that out, of course. I can, obviously. If I have enough data, or even very little data, as a matter of fact, I can extrapolate various possibilities--"

"Then do so, doctor" Roslin cut in impatiently. "Whatever you need, just ask Mr. Adama, or Commander Adama on the _Galactica_. We need to know what we are dealing with, and how to prevent the cylons from finding us in the future. Meanwhile, Mr. Keikeya…" She walked away quickly, Billy, like a shadow, right behind her, and Zak followed them with his eyes only. He was apparently stuck with the nutty doctor.

"Of course I need…" the scientist murmured to himself, and the younger man stared at him. Baltar stared back, quite unfriendly. "I need to know their exact position…and our exact position at the moment of the attack. And please give me all the calculations from the _Galactica_, and perhaps I would need to know when and how the coordinates were transmitted, that might be helpful too. Yes, we need all that. I'll analyze the information and hopefully will reach some conclusion that will help us to get the answer." He sharply looked up. "Mr. Adama? You're the Commander's son?"

"That's right."

"Get to work then. Contact your father, and bring me everything I need."

Zak left quickly and went straight back to the pilots' cockpit. There at least he felt relatively familiar. After calling _Galactica _he was connected with Lt. Gaeta, not his father, who was busy elsewhere. The disappointment was only slight, and Zak remembered his mother's old saying – "No news is better than bad news." That with regard to his brother, and his girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend. Or whoever she was now.

He didn't care about either of them anyway.

Nor did he get any data from Lt. Gaeta before the cylons jumped in again.

---

Within the next three hours the cylons showed up six times.

"Doctor Baltar is analyzing our data back on _Colonial One_" Lt. Gaeta reported. "He noticed a pattern. They appear exactly thirty-three minutes after our jump. He noticed that two or three jumps ago, and it seems consistent. He thinks they--"

"Set our clocks running then," Commander Adama interrupted. He wasn't into listening to the details of the crazy doctor's theories, didn't have time for it.

"I already did."

Adama left Gaeta to indulge himself in Doctor Baltar's greatness and proceeded to more burning issues.

"How are the pilots holding up?" he asked his CAG – and son.

"Getting twitchy. They'd like to know when this is going to end?"

Bill Adama shot the Captain a glare. What kind of question was that?

"Motivate them." he hissed. Of course, Lee was young. Too young to be a CAG for another few years, but unusual circumstances required unusual measures. Lee needed to grow up.

"Yes, sir."

Good that he understood it too.

"And, sir?…" Adama turned and gazed at his subordinate questioningly. "You spoke to _Colonial One_?"

"Couple of minutes ago. Why?"

"How is Zak doing?"

Adama squinted. He really had more important matters on his plate, than such a nonsense. "I spoke to the President, Captain. I don't have time to babysit Zak. Or you. I thought you understood that."

"Yes, sir."

"Then carry on."

The Commander moved on to the next task on his list. Time was running out, minutes were ticking by. He was aware that the cylons were attacking every half an hour – now he knew it was every thirty-three minutes. He had fifteen left to make sure everything on his Battlestar was in perfect condition for the upcoming battle. Hopefully the genius Doctor would soon come up with some idea to get them all out of this mess.

---

"Has he got any fresh ideas?" Billy asked, chewing on a sandwich.

Zak just shook his head, but it was more out of exasperation that there was no food left, than an answer to Billy's question.

"That the last sandwich?"

Billy stopped in the middle of a bite. Gazed at the snack in his hand, his mouth full. "Wamt shum?" held it towards his colleague, chewed, swallowed. "Want some?"

Zak hesitated, but the sucking sensation in his stomach made a decision for him. He took the food, sat next to Billy and bit it hungrily. If someone told him two months ago that he'd be sharing a sandwich with Billy Keikeya, he'd laughed at them. Now they were the only two left of their year. Maybe of the whole Plato's Law Academy.

That meant they had to make friends.

"Baltar thinks they are eavesdropping on our transmissions" Zak said. "So they know where we're planning to jump; they get our coordinates even before we jump. He tries to figure out some other way to jam the transmissions, because they probably override military jamming. Another theory is that they are somewhere in the Fleet, on one of those ships, but he doesn't know how to verify it at this point. Anyway he thinks that we need to reduce the communication and transport between the ships, even though even right now it's almost zero. Somehow I think none of this is going to work; this is such a mess. When have we last slept?"

He suddenly stopped. He didn't even know he needed to talk so much, doctor Baltar was rambling constantly making less and less sense; Zak needed to sort it all out.

"Yesterday, probably" Billy replied wearily. "Something has to work."

"Right."

"And if we don't maintain transport, then you've really eaten the last sandwich. We were going to get food supplies from _Cloud Nine _in the next cycle."

Zak stared at the last bite. Last bite. "Want?" held it towards Billy.

Billy took it hesitantly, shaking his head. "This is surreal."

---

Cylons came back two hundred and thirty nine times. And they were coming no more. With the destruction of the _Olimpic Carrier_, that threat faded away.

But somehow neither Starbuck nor Apollo felt relieved.

She hadn't said anything for the remainder of the CAP, during post flight check-ups and on their way back from the hangar deck to the bunk room. But her words, "It's a civilian ship!" still rung in the Captain's ears. Her words, "Lee, what if you're wrong?" Did she blame him? Did she think he made a mistake? Apparently so.

He was used to that, used to making mistakes. But never so far had one his mistakes cost so many lives. Presumably two thousand innocent civilians. People who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. After the Fleet had left thousands on non-FTL ships on the first day of the attacks, after billions had been killed in the Twelve Colonies, the weight on the Captain's conscience was becoming too much.

Talking to his father didn't help much. Commander Adama had just taken the responsibility on himself: "I gave the order" he'd said. And instead of relieving the young CAG, the comment only made it worse. Even though Lee was aware that there were bigger parties making decisions, and putting himself in a position of such importance was narcissistic – which was something his mother had taught him to avoid – he couldn't shake off the recurring visions of _Olimpic Carrier's_ destruction.

Even the few hours of solid sleep didn't ease up the tension. On the next day, when the whole crew and representatives of the civilians gathered in the hangar deck for the ceremony held in honor of those who died in the last days, Lee Adama kept thinking about the two thousands killed by his own hand. He hardly listened to his Old Man talking about some old myth about Thirteenth Colony, automatically joined the mantra "So say we all." He thought only about going back to the pilots' Ready Room and modifying the schedule. His mind had been too fuzzy last night, and he needed to check to see if he had set the pilots on CAPs in right order and--

"Captain Apollo" a soft voice caught his attention. He spun around and faced smiling President Roslin in the company of her tall aide, a few reporters lurking nearby.

"Madam President," he couldn't help but smile in return. He was genuinely happy to see her. Of course, during those hard five days his thoughts had been were mostly on his brother, but he was worried about her too. It was odd, how close to her he felt after those first hours they had spent spent together. Almost like a mother, though different in every aspect. "I'm glad to see you're okay."

"I'm glad to see you, too. And I would like to thank you for relieving the Fleet of the threat that _Olimpic Carrier _could bring to us. You saved us all, again" she spoke in a formal tone, extending her hand in a congratulation gesture.

Lee accepted it, feeling his smile fade, though he tried to put on a brave face. There were people around, and she was, of course, the President. He had to look appropriately.

"I'm proud to…to be able to serve you, sir" he stammered.

She nodded in acknowledgement, but squinted at him sideways. It was like she could see right through his façade, could see his doubts and fears.

"Could you leave us alone?" she turned to Billy and the press. "Let's take a walk, Captain." Oh, she wasn't one to screw around, and cut straight to the core as soon as they were out of earshot. "I know what a hard decision that is to live with, for all of us. I'm struggling with it myself, frankly."

Lee's heart caught. For a moment he couldn't make out the right words to respond to such honesty. Then he decided to return the sentiment.

"I--I can't stop thinking about it."

"You know." She stopped and faced him, and he had no choice but to stop too, and look at her. He had to lean in closely, because she was speaking in a very soft voice. "Because you shouldn't. We should think about it, remember. We may say that we're sure of what we did, we're sure we made the right choice. But it is imperative for a leader to remember and learn from the mistakes even if we can't admit to them publicly. I've watched you today. And I remembered…President Adar. He made mistakes too. People got killed. He never admitted he felt his choices were wrong in public, but he kept the names of those people in his desk drawer. To remember. And learn."

Lee swallowed hard, when he realized she waited for him to say something. "Do you think we made a mistake?"

"I don't know," she smiled sadly again. She didn't attempt to make him feel less guilty, but somehow she did just that. Then she reached to her pocket. "I don't have a desk drawer yet, but I have this." She pulled out a small piece of paper. On it there were two words, _"Olimpic Carrier"_.

Lee looked into her eyes, and understood precisely what she was trying to tell him. Then she simply nodded, turned around and left him standing there, the reporters tailing her again. That was all the privacy they were given – the leaders of humanity – and she managed to use every second of it. The Captain's head was spinning, but somehow his spirit felt lighter.

He looked around. The hangar deck was full of people, most of them still appeared exhausted and shaded, but hopeful somehow. They were talking, some were praying, gathered in a circle around the Priestess, others were singing. The CAG didn't even know his pilots well enough to join their merriment. He searched for his father in the crowd, wanting to talk to him, to share this renewed hope and faith, but then he thought the Old Man would not understand the complexity of the President's philosophy. They'd talked last night and everything that needed to be said – had been said. "I gave the order – it's my responsibility." Nothing to dwell upon.

That reminded the Captain's about his job, about the boards in the Ready Room. Rosters and schedules were something he could put his mind into and ease the tension. Sighing, he left the crowded hangar deck and hurried to the upper level of the battlestar.

Pilots' Ready Rom was not empty. The Captain was startled to find two people snuggled in the dark corner, talking fervently in subdued voices.

"Oh, frak you!" the woman suddenly shouted, and Lee recognized the voice. He'd recognize it anywhere.

Kara.

And the guy, who emerged from the shadow and strode towards the exit was none else but his brother. Lee had seen him earlier down in the hangar deck, but Zak had turned away then, presumably busy with the presidential entourage, and Lee hadn't been in the mood for a conversation either. But now, seeing his little bro come to a halt at the sight of him, Lee realized there was more to Zak's avoidance than preoccupation with a new job.

Zak was angry and in turmoil.

Kara stepped right behind the younger man, her eyes wary. "Lee, hi."

They were having trouble. That much was obvious from the moment Lee returned to _Galactica_. Hell, it had been obvious for months, but now, that they got stuck together in the world that suddenly shrunk to fifty thousand people and just above fifty spaceships, resolving the troubled relationship was that much harder.

"Can't you just work things out?" Lee asked in spite of himself. He would do just about anything to help his baby brother, that's how it had always been. But in this he was helpless. And it wasn't even because of Kara Thrace, though with her everything was out of the ordinary.

"You know," Zak snorted. "Coming from you, this is just--"

"I know." Yeah, Zak had always had the upper hand when it came to women; he'd had some kind of a gift. A charm. Lee was the last person to give him advice in that area.

Zak squinted, gritted his teeth, and brushed past Lee in a rapid, angry move.

"Hey!" Kara yelled after him.

"I should find the President," he replied without even turning back. "I got a job now, I should be responsible or something."

"Frak!" She shot Lee a glance, and then hurried after her boyfriend.

There was no point in him interrupting, besides he had work to do. But he wished he could spend a moment with Zak, he wished the kid would at least talk, share his burdens, like he used to when they were younger.

---

"Zak, frakking wait!" Kara called a few times, until he finally stopped.

"What do you want?" His eyes bore holes in her as he turned. "Work it out? Why don't you work it out with him?"

"Are you jealous?" she asked incredulously, though she guessed... no, scratch that – she _knew _he was. "Of Lee?"

Zak shook his head and started turning away, but she grabbed his arm.

"You're an ass! A moronic ass! Gods, so I was crying about losing him, but frak! He's been my friend for years, I had rights to. But you? You can turn everything to be about you, can't you? About you getting hurt, or--"

A loud explosion cut into her words. They both gasped as the whole ship shook with the hit wave, and they found each in the others' arms.

Kara held her breath, as Zak scanned her face for any sign of emotion, passion. She grabbed his head and pressed his lips to hers in a quick kiss, then pushed him away.

"I gotta check what that was" she gasped. And fled.

She had no idea what she was doing, and why. She hated when her life was getting too complicated, perhaps she should let the Adama brothers sort this out themselves. If Zak wanted to confront Lee – fine! If he wanted to break up – fine! She would just flow with the current, like she always had.

---

The detonation was presumably caused by the explosives placed in the water tanks by a saboteur. Who this saboteur might be was not spoken aloud, but Zak spent enough time with Doctor Baltar to be aware that cylons looked like humans now, and that they might be hiding in the Fleet.

But before Zak managed to voice his thought, the Commander grunted:

"Everyone except for Col. Tigh, Capt. Adama, and Dr. Baltar are now released"

Of course. The younger son was out of it as always – a child, a civilian, whatever the excuse. Zak wasn't even surprised, or angry, at least until his eyes met Lee's. The superiority in his brother's gaze flipped something inside him.

Gods, he needed to do something to prove to them both how much he was worth, even not being military. Wasn't very successful with the President so far, it had probably something to do with that "first impression" thing. He had hardly made a good first impression back then in another world, before the attacks, even in the department he was assigned to. Especially compared to the combed and ironed Billy Keikeya and other interns.

He just had to try harder. He had to put Lee and Dad, and even Kara behind, and put all his efforts into this. Into becoming a better aide than Billy Keikeya, himself.

---

t.b.c.


	5. A Rebel

I know nobody remembers what this story is about any more, but hey, I've written another chapter, so maybe it's best to post it, right?

Beta by wonderful AMMONITE.

---

GROUSE

Chapter Five - A REBEL

---

Laura Roslin looked at her reflection in the mirror, at the white blouse and gray costume.

"I think I'm going to get tired of this outfit," she sighed, "seeing as I only have three for the rest of my life."

"It looks fine." Billy's attempt at reassurance made her chuckle.

"Fine?"

"It looks great."

"You don't know anything about women, do you?"

Billy's uneasiness was interrupted by the loud entrance of his fellow presidential aide, Zak Adama.

"Well, Madam President, looks like we've docked with Galactica, and the honor guard is waiting outside to greet you with . . . honor." He choked on the reiterated word, furrowed his brow thinking about something else, more fitting, but the President didn't let him muse over it.

"Please don't tell me," she interrupted, "that we have to go through this every time I step on that ship."

"No, ma'am," Billy hurried with reassurance. "But they will always render honors for your arrival. It's protocol."

"The military, they do love their protocol."

"I'm sure if they knew you didn't like it they'd be willing to--"

"No. Let Adama sound the trumpets." Laura stepped towards the exit, side-by-side with Billy, leaving Zak slightly behind. His carefree behavior didn't bode well with her sense of responsibility. Maybe in other circumstances she would find him charming, but as a member of the administration of the remnants of the human race, he seemed more and more inapt.

With which he would agree wholeheartedly if she voiced the thought. His attempts at making a good impression were backfireing all the time, making him think that perhaps he should just give up. After all, he was certain she would kick his ass out of her office as soon as she got to know him better.

His head bowed, Zak followed the President and Billy through the door, listening to their quiet conversation.

"It makes him feel more comfortable," Roslin continued. She suspected such about the Commander, and the Commander's son thought this somehow didn't fit with the father he knew. "Maybe if he feels more comfortable, he'll be a little easier to deal with."

"That's smart."

"No, it's not smart; it's politics. "

"Well, actually--" Zak interrupted and they both turned to look at him. Oh, what the frak! "He's actually totally not into protocol. I mean as far as I know him any longer, so my opinion may be worthless here, but I remember him hating all the formalities, courteous performance and ass kissing - sorry." He looked up sheepishly, but to his surprise she seemed amused. This was the first time, so not quite knowing how to react, he continued explaining. "That's kind of like me; I'm like him. Rebellious or whatever you call it. Lee was always more like mom, always appropriate, giving the right offerings to the right gods. At least when people were watching. You can tell me to shut up."

"Shut up, Zak," Laura Roslin said with a small smile. "And thank you for this bit of information. That was exactly what I needed from you. Knowing something about our Commander will make it much easier for me to cooperate with him."

A smile, a gentle squeeze of his arm, and Zak felt like a schoolboy who just got a candy. Teachers' games, he reminded himself, but that didn't make the candy any less sweet.

She stepped down the ladder, Billy and Zak followed, then she accepted the formal greeting from the Commander, the salute of honor guard detail, responded to it adequately, and requested that the Commander walk with her to his quarters.

As they strode side by side, she eyed him for a brief moment before she began talking. "Commander Adama, I greatly appreciate the effort you're making to make me feel like a president. I'm honored. But I think, under the circumstances, with all of us traveling in those space ships, and the fact that I will probably be visiting Galactica often, I don't think it's necessary to perform that kind of ceremony each time. Wouldn't you agree?"

William Adama looked at her with surprise. He, for once, was sure the pompe mattered to her, but then with the civilians one could never tell. He had to admit that it was annoying the hell out of him to prepare an honor guard each time she boarded the battlestar, and his thoughts were exactly the same – if she was to come onboard every other day, it would get frakking tiring.

So he complied with her request with great relief. If everything would go with that woman that easily, their military-civilian cooperation might yet prove to be quite fruitful.

He was to be disappointed though – as soon as he briefly explained the idea of acquiring the water supply from the frozen moon with the help of the Astral Queen prisoners.

"Slave labor?" she spat at that.

Bill sighed from the bottom of his guts; she could be very annoying when she chose to. Unfortunately, they had made that deal about dividing military and civilian matters, and releasing the prisoners was in her area of decision-making.

He had to convince her those people were what they all needed.

"They are criminals," he tried. "They've been sentenced to hard labor. And this is very hard labor. Not to mention physically dangerous. This is not for civilians, and we don't have enough marines to pull this off in a reasonable time."

He eyed her, and she eyed him, not convinced in the slightest.

"Maybe we should find some way to make it their decision," suddenly Zak cut in. The brief flicker of appreciation he'd seen in Roslin's eyes earlier had given him the courage to interfere; something he wouldn't normally do – his father was in the same room! He cast a glance at the Old Man, and at the sight of his surprise, but not irritation yet, took a deep breath and continued. "To get them to, I don't know, volunteer? They are cramped in a transport ship, maybe they'd like to stretch their legs? So to speak."

"You're right," Lee backed him up, "that ship was not designed for long-term incarceration. They might prefer to get out. Do something, even if it is dangerous."

"Stretch their legs, huh?" Roslin smiled "Okay, but only if they volunteer. They are not slaves, and I will not have them treated as such," she stated firmly, staring at the Commander.

And Zak, seeing how his ideas were being met with approval, tried another one. "We might even grant them some kind of reward. Just don't know if money have any value these days--"

"We could offer points towards earning freedom," Lee offered.

"That sounds reasonable," the President agreed.

The three of them seemed to think alike, the ideas flickering between their minds faster than words.

Zak's and Lee's eyes met and for a brief moment they shared a memory – of younger days when it had been just them against the world, when they'd tried to trick their mother into letting them go to games or festivals, or simply to leave them alone when she'd been in a foul mood. They may have their differences now, but the bond formed in old times was strong.

"Excuse me," their father's gruff voice brought them back to the present. "You wanna start releasing hardened criminals into the fleet?"

"Sir," Lee replied defiantly, "these men were on their way to Caprica for parole hearings, which at least implies they may be ready for release."

And while the Commander gazed at his sons, his eyes flashing fire, the President simply said, "Thank you, Captain. Mr Adama, make it happen. And to address Commander Adama's concerns," she turned to Billy, "I'd like you to go along and set up a screening procedure to weed out the hardened criminals."

Commander Adama greeted his teeth. "I would like to have a representative from Galactica who will report directly to me about security issues" he uttered.

"Let me just--" Lee started, mentally checking the flight rotation, and his daily schedule, but his father didn't even let him finish.

"Not you" he cut in, not sparing one glance at the Captain. "Don't you have CAP?"

"No" Lee replied, but wasn't heard. Probably because he spoke too softly. Once more he and his brother exchanged glances, and Zak's brow jumped up questioningly, but this time Lee did not guess what his brother was thinking, the connection was lost.

---

Zak couldn't believe his luck. He got the important mission and Billy was there to assist him. His ideas were heard and appreciated. Duh, his brother backed him up! That was something, it reminded Zak of some of the best childhood moments.

When the two men, with the assistance of Petty Officer Dualla and Specialist Cally stepped out of the raptor and followed the warden into the command area of Astral Queen, Zak felt like a true leader. He was given a microphone, announced himself as the personal representative of the President, and gave a pompous speech that simply had to be acknowledged.

Well, it wasn't.

For a moment there was no response from the prisoners. No one stepped out of the now-opened cells.

Then they heard sole footsteps, and a strong voice saying "We respectfully decline".

Zak gasped. Billy gasped even louder "That's Tom Zarek!"

"That terrorist?" Dualla leaned over to take a better look, while the prisoners started to scan Zarek's name and hit the bars.

Zak vaguely remembered Lee telling him something about a guy named Zarek, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what had affected his big bro so much in that man. A terrorist. What could be affecting in a terrorist?

"So who the hell is Tom Zarek?" asked the warden.

"He's a freedom fighter," replied Billy. "He's a-- he's a prisoner of conscience."

"He's a butcher," Dualla cut in, her voice dripping disgust.

Billy started to argue, and Zak's memory was triggered. Lee had read some book that had been smuggled around the campus, forbidden by the authorities. "His colony was exploited by the other eleven for centuries. His people were marginalized, brutalized--"

"I'm from Sagittaron, and that man does not speak for all of us. He blew up a government building, and there is no excuse for that."

Zak gazed from Billy to Dualla, startled by the sudden change in his boring colleague and the fire in that seemingly calm girl. Well, there was something in her – he had to admit – that might affect even such a doorknob as Billy Keikeya. He's your only friend, now! He smacked himself mentally and looked back at the prisoners.

"Sir," Cally interrupted, voicing his thoughts. "I've been watching the clock, and if we're not gonna get any help, we should move on.

"If Zarek is shaking this party, let's talk to Zarek first," Zak sighed, hoping he knew enough to have a decent chat with the man.

If Lee was here . . . he started thinking, but slapped himself again. He could do it without Lee.

He followed the guard to the lower level of the prison ship, trying to figure out what he was going to say. As they approached Zarek's cell, he had another fiery speech ready, but as the prisoner stood up facing the other way with his hands crossed behind his back, Zak found himself flabbergasted.

"Uh, that's not necessary," he managed. "I just wanted to talk."

The prisoner half-turned around, casting a sharp glance at the young man, before his eyes fell on the floor.

"Guard," he said in a clear voice. "Prisoner eight-nine-three-eight-nine-three requests permission to speak with this visitor."

"Granted."

Zarek let his hands fall to his sides, and faced Zak Adama, a slight smirk dancing on his lips. "I'm not allowed to speak unless asked a direct question," he explained. "You didn't ask me a direct question. You've never been in a prison before, have you?"

"No."

"You're fortunate. May I sit down?"

Zak gazed at the man, still astounded.

"Sure," he spat, and realizing this was a form of invitation, stepped inside. The sound of door slamming behind him, made him jump. Zarek's smirk flickered again, and vanished away, replaced by polite curiosity.

Not allowed to speak, unless asked a direct question – Zak remembered. What was this speech he had planned? . . .

"You know that the Fleet is out of water. You know that if we don't replenish our resources soon, people will start dying from dehydration. Including your comrades. And yourself. Now, I need you to talk to your men, and convince them that this is in their best interest to help us."

"They're not my men," Zarek replied calmly. "They belong to you. I belong to you, you own us. You're the master, we're the slaves."

Zak fought the sudden urge to smack the smug bastard over the head. Perhaps they should simply order them to get those tools in their hands and do the job, without all the bullshit of negotiations, and respect to their humanity.

But this was not what the President wanted, and he was here as her voice, so he had to speak for her. That was politics.

So Zak gritted his teeth and took a deep breath.

"Listen, all the President wants, is to offer you a chance to earn your freedom--"

"Now, you've said the truth: freedom is earned." Zarek smiled smugly, staring straight at the younger man.

And at that moment Zak realized he could not win this one. He might either hit the asshole, or get out of there before he'd blow up. He turned away, trying to pretend he didn't see Zarek's victorious smile, and banged on the door in attempt to call the guard. No one appeared.

And then the door opened.

Cautiously Zak stepped out, knowing that something was wrong. Indeed – other cells were opened as well, and prisoners started flowing out.

"You might want to stay inside" Zarek called, but this was the last thing Zak wanted. The need to hit something finally won over any other emotion and over common sense as well, and the young man jumped right in the middle of the muddle. He managed to break a few noses and hopefully ribs, before his head clashed with something hard, and he fell to the floor.

---

Starbuck was not making the CAG's work easy. For once, she was making stupid jokes about Flattop's landing style – which was terrible to say the least, but not her concern – and her talking interrupted the Captain's lecture. Secondly, she brought a kid to the briefing. A kid! Boxey should have been sent out of Galactica as soon as they had a moment of peace and quiet, but somehow he had been smuggled around the bunkrooms and was still wandering on decks. Lee thought that he should hand the boy to Zak as soon as his brother would return from Astral Queen. If there was time for this. But there needed to be.

Thinking of Astral Queen, Zak and all that water crisis gave him a headache. And standing right outside the CIC, Lee knew what was the real reason of his discomfort. It was the man inside. The Commander. His father. And, of course, Zak's father.

Commander Adama's reaction to their plan earlier this morning was the one they should have expected, but were still startled by it. Then Zak left and Lee stayed behind, ignored by his superior officer. He knew he was supposed to feel offended by this, and he did, but he just gritted his teeth and tried to bear his burden. It was getting heavy though.

He forced himself to step inside. He approached the Control Console, where the Commander stood eyeing DRADIS and the whole CIC without even turning his head. The Old Man's ability to know about everything that happened around him always amazed Lee. That's why he was certain his father knew about his presence even though he didn't spare a single look.

Lee sighed and was about to hand the Commander the briefing summary, when the older Adama suddenly turned, and pierced his son with his stare.

"Something on your mind, Captain?" the Old Man asked with scrutiny.

Lee's first impulse was to respond that there was nothing, as he always did. But suddenly he felt he had nothing to lose anymore.

"Actually . . . I think you mistreated Zak."

"Did I?" the father asked. And before the son had a chance to respond, added in a hoarse whisper, "Those people are the kind that would rip your hand off if you gave them a finger. You don't get to be polite with people like that, you don't offer them anything. You tell them to get their butts together and do the job you give them. And then they are grateful. I had no idea Zak was such an idealist to believe the bullshit the President sold him, but he picked his side, and I have nothing to say to him. Now give me those papers."

"I had no idea this was about picking sides," Lee murmured, handing the Commander his reports. Bill Adama only cast him a reproachful glance and said nothing more.

The young man knew his father was partially right. But he agreed with President Roslin on many subjects. The prisoners were still human, whatever--

His thoughts were interrupted by Lt. Gaeta's alarmed voice "It's the Astral Queen! They've taken hostages and they are about to make an announcement!"

"Get Colonel Tigh down here!" Adama ordered. "Put it through!"

"The crew are my prisoners," a calm voice stated through the speakers. "They will not be harmed. But I have two conditions before I release my captives. First, the government which controls our fate is illegal and illegitimate, and it must submit to the will of the people. I demand the immediate resignation of Laura Roslin and her ministers."

Lee gasped. His father's face was a stony mask. Colonel Tigh entered and gazed at them startled, offended.

"Second," the man on the other side continued, and Lee thought he'd heard that voice somewhere. "I demand free and open elections to choose a new leadership and a new government that represents all of the people. These demands are made not for me or for the former slaves held on this ship, but for you, the people, the survivors of the holocaust and the children of humanity's future. I am Tom Zarek, and this is the first day of the new era."

"Zarek!" Lee breathed out. Of course he knew the man. And he knew his deeds.

"The terrorist!" Commander Adama hissed.

"The freedom fighter," Captain Adama countered. Zarek was misjudged, misunderstood. Nobody even tried to listen to his ideas of social and cultural development of humanity.

"Cut that idealistic bullshit!" the Commander shouted. "And start working on the rescue op. Mr Gaeta, get Starbuck here. Colonel Tigh, we need the blueprint of Astral Queen, do we have it? Mr. Gaeta, I need to speak with the President immediately."

While the Commander started discussing the crisis with President Roslin, the Colonel and the Captain moved over to the Tactical station. They were joined by Starbuck before they received any plans to work on. And while Colonel Tigh was only thinking about how to get rid of the fanatics, and Thrace was mostly stressing about the safety of Zak Adama, Lee thought of Zarek's goals and analyzed each word they'd heard.

This was nonsense. He had to realize that no one would negotiate while he was holding hostages! Ha was a man of principle, and he was not stupid. Lee had read a book Zarek had written. A book that had been banned, smuggled in the campus. Radical, challenging thoughts that had made him question lots of things he'd accepted before. No, Zarek was not stupid, and there had to be more to his stance.

"What's this 'we' crap?" Tigh's rude question brought Lee back to reality.

Starbuck looked at the XO defiantly. "I'm going, sir."

"Like hell."

They stared each other, then simultaneously they turned to the Commander, who'd joined them.

The Old Man assessed the two. "We have a few marines left on Galactica," he responded finally. "Let them handle it, Starbuck."

"They don't have a sniper," she countered. "And, with all due respect, sir, I am the best shot in or out of the cockpit."

"She's right," Tigh grunted, unhappy. "For once."

Older Adama gave him quizzical look "Wonders never cease," he murmured, and added louder, "All right, you're goin' in. You get a clear shot at Zarek, you take it. And I want to control that ship immediately. And I want all the hostages alive."

"Yes, sir."

Lee looked at them, startled. Starbuck was going? How?

"I'm going, too" he snapped.

Everyone turned to stare at him. Well, Starbuck was allowed to set assignments for herself, but he wasn't? He should have known.

"You're underestimating Zarek" he enlightened them, not hoping for any effect.

But his father actually listened. "How's that?"

Lee swallowed hard. How was he supposed to tell his father that he'd read a forbidden book back in the Academy? "I know what his principles are" he said softly. "I--I think he's playing with us, but I don't know how yet. We can't negotiate with him officially, but maybe I could . . . Maybe I could talk to him when we're inside, before we start shooting."

"This is ridiculous" Starbuck interrupted. "We're going in, they won't even see us. It's easy as that!" She snapped her fingers.

"Apollo is right," the Commander stated. Lee nearly choked from surprise. "You're in charge, try to reason with him. If that doesn't work, shoot."

"This is a mistake," Starbuck spoke her mind. "We'll loose the surprise factor--"

"Dismissed!" the older Adama cut her mid-sentence and glared her down.

The decision had been made. The briefing was over.

---

t.b.c.


	6. Brother's Keeper

---  
GROUSE  
BROTHER'S KEEPER  
---

Zak was thrown into the cell next to Cally's. Opposite from them were Billy and Dualla. His head hurt, his vision was distorted by the swelling above his left eye, his lips were still bleeding, and he must have looked like Ares after a party at Dionysos.

"Looks like you've been bored here without me!" he teased seeing the three gloomy faces. "Glad they decided my presence might cheer you up."

"Sure," a corner of Dualla's lips rose slightly, her eyes glinted.

"The situation isn't funny," Billy disagreed. "We're in immediate danger of--"

"Easy, Billy." Dualla returned to observing the guards. "Everything's gonna be all right."

"I don't know about that."

"They don't wanna hurt us," Cally backed her older colleague up. "That won't get them what they want." She curled up on her rack, and rested her head on the bars, her eyes closed.

Billy needed more profound explanation though. "Which is what?" he asked skeptically.

"To be treated like human beings?" Zak supposed with amusement. "Zarek seems to be completely clueless about what happened with the Worlds." He got up and approached the bars. "What a mess." Humans were fighting for the survival of their _race_ and yet there were people who were willing to kill their own species.

An ugly looking guy with eyes of a wild animal strolled down the walkway and stopped right outside Zak's cell. Looked up and hissed like a snake. Zak took two steps back, knowing it was a mistake. Every single gesture matter with people like this!

The guy spat with disdain. And gazed over at Cally, resting in her cell.

"You're not asleep," he croaked.

"Not any more." She opened her eyes wearily.

Zak cursed under his breath, sensing trouble. Every single gesture . . . And Cally was making all the wrong gestures.

"Is that your way of telling us you're not scared?" the wild man's voice turned into hiss again.

"No, it's my way of telling you I'm tired."

Oh, Cally! Zak tried to telepathically tell her to shut up, but telepathy didn't work, of course.

"Don't! Don't mock me, little girl!"

"I'm not mocking you."

Lords!

---

"Alpha one," Apollo's voice said in Starbuck's earpiece, "we're in."

"Bravo in position. I've got eyes on the mice." She shot a sharp glance above the railing of the overpass, assessing the situation.

"Status?"

"Four in cages. Three seem okay, one," she hoped Lee didn't hear how her voice wavered, "a little banged up."

He heard. Was silent a split second too long. "Stay frosty, bravo," responded finally. "We're on with the big cat."

"Only three cats in sighting, alpha," she interrupted then. Her heart was thumping, eyes searched for targets, fingers shook with anticipation of a shot. "We could--"

Apollo didn't even let her finish. "You have your orders! Alpha out."

Frak!

She looked at the cells below again. Zak was up, talking to one of the prisoners who guarded them. Kara didn't like the red stains on his cheek and shirt, she itched to kill the bastard who did this to her man.

But she had her orders. Apollo was planning to negotiate. Feldercrab!

---

Lee knew what Kara thought about his plan. She'd told him as much on the raptor.

"That's what he wants," she'd pointed out. "Time, negotiations, it all works in his benefit. We have a surprise virtue, don't waste it!"

"You don't know what he wants," he'd responded.

"And you know it so well!"

Of course he didn't know. But what he knew was that Zarek wasn't dumb, and there was no way the old terrorist dog was hoping to gain something through this act. At least not something that seemed obvious. Tom Zarek was a legend, almost. Twenty years in prison, over a matter of principle. His word carried weight, people would listen to him, especially given the circumstances--there were already riots over the water crisis. He had to be dealt with carefully.

Apollo took a deep breath, steeling himself right outside Astral Queen's control center. Guards were disarmed and knocked out, there were only a few men inside. Lee looked at his marines.

"Keep bloodshed to minimum," he reminded, and signaled for the entrance.

They blasted in, guns ready, eyes on target. Two of Zarek's men opened fire, and were floored immediately. The other two stopped stiff, their leader standing in the middle of the room, looking slightly annoyed, and . . . bored.

"Alpha one, we're in, wait for instructions." Apollo reported to his other teams. Then he turned to Zarek. "Tell your men to lower their weapons."

The two men behind Zarek dropped their guns by a fraction, but at their leader's gesture held them up again.

"You're not going to take this ship," Zarek said loudly and clearly. "Does Laura Roslin really think that using Adama's military to massacre the people here is a proper move? Is that what she sent you here to do? Who gave her the right?" his voice was rising louder. "Who charged her with the right to be making decisions for all of us, deciding who lives and who dies!"

Lee allowed himself to be taken off guard, and started to counter, "You've seized--"

Zarek didn't let him. "The answer is: no one. No one voted for her. Is that democracy? Is that a free society?"

"We need a government!" Lee interrupted with anger. "We need rules. We need a leader."

"We need to be free men and women. If we're not free, then we're no different than cylons!" Zarek delivered with force. And something in Lee's brain clicked.

He shot a glance at the console--a green light blipped at the comms station. Zarek was transmitting his revolting speech! His broadcast was jammed, and he knew it, but there was always a chance that some desperate scribbler would find the way around that. And gods knew they had far too many scribblers in the Fleet.

Lee stared at the terrorist, at the man's smug smile and the realization hit him like a hammer. The answer had been so simple it was shocking they hadn't seen it sooner.

"This is not about the elections," Lee stated under his breath. "Or about freedom. All this time . . . All this time you _wanted_ us to storm the ship."

Zarek's brow rose slightly, almost appreciatively. But he said nothing.

"You want a bloodbath," Lee continued loud enough to be heard over the broadcast--if it was being overheard--looking into the other man's eyes, nearing him slowly. He saw torment in those eyes. "Tom Zarek's been out of the headlines, out of the news, forgotten for twenty years as he rots in a cell. And now he's got a chance to go out in a blaze of glory. And he's gonna take it."

They stood face-to-face now, so close Zarek could take him out with ease, had he hidden knife or something. But Lee was sure he was safe.

"You've been saying how everything you're doing is for freedom, but the truth is, it's all about Tom Zarek and his personal death wish. It always had been. Even back then, twenty years ago."

Lee kept looking into the poles of despair that Zarek's eyes were, underneath his arrogant mask. He kept expecting an answer, but before he got one, his gaze caught movement. His eyes shot there on instinct. And he saw--

---

Mason wrestled with the cell's lock, and Zak felt his heart thumping up in his throat. Cally sat up on her rack, watching the convict trying to enter her cell. She did not believe he would get in.

And Zak prayed that he wouldn't.

He'd seen the man's eyes, they were wild, insane. This man was dangerous, more dangerous than the cylons. Cylons were machines, this was living being, tormented, twisted, damaged.

The lock let go.

Mason stepped in.

Zak stretched through the bars as far as he could and grabbed the man by his collar, pulled. The convict's head hit the metal bars with a loud 'pang'. Zak swiftly changed the hold and locked the man's neck with his elbow. The catch wasn't perfect, as there was this barrier between them, but at least he stopped the bastard from hurting Cally. For how long though?

He heard shouts down the walkway. Thumping of heavy boots as someone run. Someone wrestled with a lock to his cell, and he held the bastard as hard as he could, for as long as he could. Frak it all! He had so much anger in him he didn't really care what would happen; at least he'd do something memorable, even if there was no one to remember.

Pain shot trough his scull and he saw stars as if he was in a viper out in space--

---

"Mason--" Zarek breathed out with shock.

That was a chance, that split second. Apollo moved, and his marines moved a fraction of second later. Zarek's men were disarmed in a flash, he himself neutralized and handcuffed.

And then they heard a shot.

"Cease fire!" the Captain ordered, and run out to the gallery overlooking the cells, dragging Zarek with him. "Cease fire!" he repeated louder, holding the gun to Zarek's temple.

"This won't stop them," the terrorist mocked.

But it did. Tom Zarek, the insurrection leader, was too important a figure, for the prisoners to simply let him die.

"How about it, Tom?" Lee turned to the man he held at gun's point. "You still have a death wish? You're ready to leave this world, right here, right now?"

Zarek squinted sideways. "Yes."

"Too bad," Lee forced himself to calm down; inhaled and exhaled a couple of times. "Cause this is what you're gonna do: you're gonna tell your men to help us get that water off the moon." That was the main goal of the mission. But there was more to the whole situation, and Lee knew it . "And then . . ." he hesitated. Inhaled. "Then you're gonna get your elections."

"What?"

Zarek was shocked. And Lee was shocked too, but he understood the complexity of the matters, and his instinct told him this was what needed to be done.

"Because you're right, Tom," he explained. "You're right about democracy and consent of the people. I believe in those things and we're gonna have them. And you can have them too. Or you can have this bullet. Your call."

"And the President will honor your word?"

That was the question.

"She will. Or she won't," that was the answer, the only honest one. "You can't know that. You let the hostages go, we'll leave this ship in your hands. They try and come after you, you can still have your last stand. It's your choice."

Zarek took the time to look at the younger man closely. "All right," he agreed finally. "Lower your weapons!"

---

Zak woke up, feeling lightheaded, his mouth sore.

"Mr. Adama?" he heard a female voice somewhere above his left ear, so he wearily opened his eyes. "Can you hear me?"

"I--ough--do. What happened?"

"I'll get the doctor."

The nurse fled, and returned a second later with the grumpy doctor Cottle. The white haired doc shone some light into Zak's eyes, told him to show his tongue, did five other things that made Zak more and more embarrassed and annoyed, and finally asked, "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Ziggy."

"Ziggy?" The look of surprise on doc's face was priceless.

"Yeah," Zak suppressed a smirk. "He's that idiot who pours vodka to every glass on a party. Even to tea. I think I remember him standing over my soda, but I may have confused something. What do you think I remember!" he suddenly yelled. "They killed me, and I ended up in Hades with you as Hephaestus! Am I going to be here for eternity? My gods!"

"He's agitated," the doctor stated with disgust, pulling away. "Give him five milligrams Relanium, he's staying overnight. Your Papa ain't gonna like it, young man." He grumped, turned around and left.

"Did he go?" The young man lifted off his pillow, looking at the curtains. Then he turned to the nurse. She was the same girl, who was taking care of his injuries previously. "He scares me, you know?" Zak whispered conspiringly.

"He can be intimidating," the woman smiled. "But he knows what he's doing, trust him."

"What is your name?" Zak asked, feeling quite comfortable now, with doctor out of his sight. Even the prospect of spending the night in the Life Station didn't look too scary.

"Laurie," the nurse replied, approaching Zak's bed with a needle.

"What?" Zak squeaked nervously, and she gazed at him surprised.

"Laurie."

"No. That!" Zak pointed at the needle, his eyes wide open. "It's not necessary!" he tried to assure her, but she did not consent.

"I'm sorry, the doctor said otherwise. Don't worry you won't even feel it."

Indeed Zak did not feel it; he passed out before the needle even touched his skin

---

Laurie was there again when he woke up, checking his IV. But there was someone else as well.

"Kara," Zak croaked.

"Hey stone-head, glad you decided to wake up," she smiled. "We were starting to worry."

"Stone-head?" Zak asked incredulously, as she passed him some water to sip.

"Yup. Cottle is surprised your brain is still working. I'm surprised he found a brain in there." She poked his skull lightly, and Zak winced.

"Don't do that. Ants are making enough noise. Feels like bad hangover, really."

"Heard you were drinking last night," a male voice said from the other side of the bed, "so it shouldn't be surprising." Zak turned his head cautiously and saw the owner of that voice. The big brother himself, smiling broadly and mischievously. "With Ziggy no less."

"Ouh."

"I think I remember Ziggy," said Lee, glancing at Kara, and smirking. "Do you? He was that mop-headed guy who shared the bunk with Zak in the first year of Flight School, before he was kicked out."

"I think I wasn't familiar with Zak's bunkmates at that point," Kara replied laughing. "Or any point for that matter."

"Right," Zak also smiled at the memory and at her bright green eyes. "We usually did this--"

"Um," was interrupted by Lee. "So when was Ziggy kicked out?" After all the subject of where his brother did what with his girl was not something Lee wanted to discuss.

Zak blushed, what--given his pale appearance--made him look like a clown.

"Not before I was--" started explaining and his face fell. "I mean before I left."

"Uh."

Uncomfortable silence fell. Lee was a little surprised that jerk Ziggy actually stayed at the Flight School longer than Zak did, but then, Flight School was about flight ability most of all, and Zak, however he wanted to deny it, didn't get his family share of the talent.

"Glad you're okay though," said Lee to break the silence. "What were you thinking, attacking that guy like this?"

"Pot calling the kettle black," Kara interrupted. "I could ask you what were _you_ thinking! And then, giving them the ship like that!" She shook her head. Still couldn't forgive--Duh! Couldn't _understand_ Lee's actions.

"Kara, we avoided a bloodbath!" Lee defied. "The way you acted you would play right into his hands!"

"But you stalled and risked lives of the hostages! Of your brother!" she yelled.

"I knew what I was doing!" he yelled right back.

"That's the thing; you didn't! You had a hunch, and acted on it, but you didn't know!"

"Well, I was proven right!"

"But dangerously close to--"

"Could you please stop screaming?" nurse Laurie stepped inside the curtained area, glaring at them like the Commander himself. She was in her realm after all. "This is Life Station, there are patients who need their rest!" Both Kara and Lee, ashamed, fell silent, only shot angry glances at each other for a few seconds.

"I'd better go," Lee finally got up. "Need to talk to the Commander."

"Guess he's not happy with your performance."

"Kara!"

Their eyes locked for a moment again, and Zak felt as if he was in the middle of the stormy cloud, where lightnings were shooting left and right.

And then Lee left. And a few minutes after that Kara left too, excusing herself with Zak's need to rest, and her need to write a report or something. Of course she was mad because of Lee, and Zak knew it. Those two were always catalyzing the most extreme emotions in each other, he was already used to that. What he wasn't and didn't want to get used to, was the fact that he was merely an observer of the events unfolding. Apollo saved the day, Starbuck had other ideas of saving the day, or saved another day.

Zak greeted his teeth. Next day would be his, whatever it takes.

---  
t.b.c.


	7. Not An Eagle

---  
GROUSE  
NOT AN EAGLE  
---

Zak enjoyed spending time in Colonial One pilot's cockpit. Despite the initial clash about the greatness of Captain Apollo, he soon became friends with the crew, Brad the pilot and Tania the comms officer becoming his closest buddies.

After the meeting with the President a couple of days after he'd been released from sickbay, Zak opened the door to the front of the ship and heard his friends' rised voices.

"So you're not even going to give it a shot?" Tania's tone was accusatory.

"I think I'm more needed here," Brad sounded offended.

"Oh, please! Colonial One has two other pilots and they could probably train someone who could replace you! Hi, Zak." She noticed the new person in the room. And then she looked at him again, her brows risen. "Zak!" She smiled. "Have you ever flown anything? Your brother is the CAG, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Zak replied cautiously. "And I have flown something. Why?"

Tania looked back at Brad, with victorious smirk. "We could train him to fill in for you! That might even be fun." She winked at Zak, and turned back to her friend. "And you might go, and join in."

But Brad wasn't listening to her any more. Instead he stared at Zak.

"What have you flown exactly?"

"Well . . ." Zak felt his stomach squirm. "A viper."

Eventually it was Zak, not Brad, who "went and joined in", after both his friends, outshouting one another, explained to him that there had been an accident on the flight deck; that no, neither Apollo nor Starbuck had been hurt; and yes, the Galactica's viper squadron needed new pilots.

---

Kara Thrace stood before her Commander, wondering what he wanted.

"You were a flight instructor back on Picon?" Adama asked finally, taking his glasses off, and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked as if he hadn't slept last night, and Kara felt for him--she'd had hard time sleeping herself, couldn't stop thinking about Flattop, his thousandth landing, the teasing she'd been giving him over the last couple of days. And all that fun she and Lee had right before. And how lucky they had been, not having arrived at the flight deck sooner. "Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir," she snapped. "Yes, I was a flight instructor at the Flight School. Basic flight, sir."

"I need you to train new nuggets."

"Sir?"

He looked up at her surprised. Was she questioning orders? Kara bowed, embarrassed.

"I was a flight instructor, but I was kicked out eventually," she explained.

"And why was that?"

"Um. Because I was being a bad example to my students?" she tried. But the Commander wasn't talking any of this.

"Starbuck," he announced firmly. "The only influence I'm interested in, is that you show them how to fly and shot the cylons from the sky. Other than that you may drink, smoke and play cards. Dismissed!"

---

"LongLeaf and BeeHive should be back in cockpit in two days," CAG Captain Adama reported to his Commander the next day. "With others it will take a little longer, but Cottle can't tell precisely when. Starbuck is starting her classes at eleven hundred hours, the nuggets should be on their way already. I didn't get yesterdays' batch of candidates, I guess Dee sent them straight to Starbuck?"

He looked up, and saw his father smile lightly. Blinked, thinking that was rather his eyes playing tricks on him.

"She gave it to me actually," Adama responded and looked up. "I forwarded it to Starbuck." The smile was there, it was unmistakable.

"What is it?" Lee asked cautiously, and Bill Adama's eyes sparkled.

"Zak joined." The pride that emanated from the Commander was so overwhelming, that for a brief moment Lee smiled happily too. But then he remembered--Zak did not belong in the cockpit--and his smile faded.

"You're not serious," he spat icily. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing yet," the Commander didn't seem to notice his son's simmering anger. "But I'll make sure he knows I'm proud of him."

"No," Lee corrected. "I asked what did you tell him, to make him join?"

Now Bill noticed something odd about the Captain's tone. He watched him more closely.

"I didn't tell him anything. I didn't think he'd want to be a pilot, I didn't see the point trying." His brow furrowed at the unpleasant memories. "You know we didn't really talk about it back then. He'd never even explained why he resigned. Everything was going so well--" Adama's voice grew quiet.

"Maybe because you never asked!" Lee forgot for a moment all about the protocol, or even a simple respect for his father. He breathed a couple of times, trying to regain control over his temper.

But it was too late. Now William Adama was angry too.

"What do you think?" he drawled out. His son was once again accusing him of something! "I never forced him to go to the Flight School in the first place--"

"Yeah, and you never resented him for resigning." The words were once again out of Lee's mouth before he could think better of it. "You never pretended he did not exist for two frakking years!"

"Watch your tongue, young man," the Commander said softly. But his eyes burned, and Lee gritted his teeth so hard his jaw started hurting. "You both played part in our resenments. You yourself are not without guilt." Bill still rememberred how betrayed he'd felt learning about Carolanne's death. How shocked, when he heard from Zak that it had been Lee who hadn't wanted their father informed. But he said nothing. He still wasn't ready to confront Lee about this particlar matter, perhaps he never would be.

So Lee had to fill in that comment with memories of his own, and they made him even more bitter and determined.

"I won't let him fly," he whispered. "He's not cut out to be a pilot, and he will not fly." Looked directly into his father's eyes.

"I'm afraid you're not the one to decide," the father responded.

---

Zak sat in the front row in the pilots briefing room and watched the boards before him, the stand, even the walls, with a mixture of excitement, terror and pride. President Roslin's "Well, in that case, I wish you luck" rung in his ears. She'd been quite shocked, and he had to forgive her, given that she'd been informed about his departure on a rather short notice. She didn't have to consent, she could have said "you have a job in here", but she hadn't. She'd let him go and had given her blessing, and for that he was eternally grateful. Billy had been full of contempt though. Zak thought he kind of contempted himself too. After all, during the last few weeks, he'd had three jobs already. So much for consistancy, but his mother often told him he had trouble finishing what he sarted.

This time it was going to be different though. This time he knew where he belonged. He'd made his first mistake when he'd requested to be released from duty at the Flight School, after he'd passed basic flight. He had passed, but he had still felt insecure enough to . . . He wasn't making that mistake twice!

When Starbuck entered, screaming her "Attention on deck!" Zak experienced a strange sense of déjŕ vu. Been there, done that. And even though his body almost instinctively wanted to rise and stand at attention, his brain didn't quite catch up yet, and he only made some incoherent move with his hands and legs. Nobody else got up either.

She stood at the stand and shot fireballs from her eyes. "That means get on your feet, nuggets!" she yelled and now everyone obeyed. Quicker or slower. She gazed them over left to right and back. "You are joining the Colonial Fleet, boys and girls, not some after-school club. Seats."

A soft shuffling of feet and even softer murmur of a few comments accompanied their sitting.

Kara stood at the head of the room, and Zak remembered the first time he saw her like this. It was all clouded by later memories, but he knew exacly why he fell in love with her.

"Pilots call me Starbuck," she said, "but you may refer to me as God." Zak couldn't help, but chuckle. That was why.

"Something you want to say, Grouse?" she asked and his good mood vanished like a soap-bubble.

"Ough," he groaned. "I thought we could--you know--figure out some other--"

"No, we couldn't Grouse. Now shut up!"

Zak obediently shut up. And "God" turned back to her class, explaining how they'd never flown anything even remotelly resembling a Viper Mark II before, and that there were no flight simulators, and that they'd all end up as a mashed potatoes by the end of the day.

"She's laying it on a little thick," murmured a guy next to Zak, and Zak could not disagree. Starbuck wasn't pleased though.

"Costanza, right?" she approached the guy.

"Yes, God, sir."

"Not anymore. From now on, your name is Hot Dog." Oh, that was even worse than Grouse. "And when God speaks, Hot Dog, you listen. Maybe if you had learned that at the Academy, you wouldn't have washed out."

Zak looked to the side with increased interest. So he wasn't the only wash-out? He wondered what had been that guy's call-sign back in the better days, and if he considered himself lucky or misfortunate having it changed.

On their way to the hangar deck Hot Dog, and a red haired girl who introduced herself as Louanne Katraine (and Zak immediatelly wanted to give her a call-sign Tonguebreaker, but wouldn't dare jump ahead of the orchestra--meaning God herself--so said nothing) joined Zak. The twosome must have made friends on their way to Galactica, and now were curious about another nugget.

"So," Luanne started. "It's Gross as in ugly, or something?"

"Or Grousy as in . . . whiny?" added Hot Dog also known as Brendan Constanza.

Zak closed his eyes briefly. "No," his response was tightlipped. "It's Grouse as in Not-An-Eagle." It was really as simple as that.

Zak remembered how after his first sims exercise, all excited, he'd jumped up on the table in the nuggets' bunkroom, yelling "I'm a bird!" And how he'd fallen from that table, spraining his ankle. He had to be glad he hadn't been gifted Hen.

He had to tell his new crewmates this story and of course they laughed.

That is until the mighty CAG stood in their way. Laughter died away even though the two didn't know yet, who the short man, with fierce blue eyes, was. But Zak did. He stood at attention and saluted, and Constanza and Katraine followed his example immediately.

"You two are dismissed," Lee didn't even spare them a glance. "You stay!" he said directly to his brother, and Zak had all the worst feelings about this. "We have something to talk about."

Right, they had. Zak had been expecting that conversation, even though he hadn't spared it a single thought in the last few hours. But it was bound to happen.

"What the frak do you think you're doing?"

"I'm in a hurry for the starting and landing exercise. If I'm late the flight instructor--"

"The flight instructor has no say in that. You're not flying. You failed basic flight at Flight School, what makes you think your skills have changed?"

"I passed basic flight, Lee!"

"Right. And we both know where you passed it!"

Zak's blood boiled. Lee was accusing him of getting into the cockpit through his flight instructor's bed. But this time Zak was going to stand up to him. "No, actually, we don't," he seethed. "This was just your view of things."

"Was it? Ask her."

"No. You ask her. Now, I have to go!"

---  
t.b.c.

Reviews mean a great deal to me, so if you read, please tell me what you think. :)


	8. Lies Part One

DISCLAIMER: Never claimed those characters and that universe as mine. Damn, I wish it was as easy to write about MY characters.

---

GROUSE

Chapter Eight - LIES Part One.

---

Kara was in the briefing room, stood in front of the roster. Lee hesitated before crossing the threshold between them. She obviously would not understand his objections concerning Zak's flight ability, nobody did. Lee was also aware that her involvement with his brother made it all the more difficult for her to ground him.

But that kid needed to be grounded!

"Starbuck," he started hesitantly, never taking his eyes off her.

"CAG," she grinned. "How can I help you?" she asked jokingly.

Lee inhaled deeply. "Actually there's something you can do for me." She rose her brows, amused. "Or rather-- explain."

"Anything, Lee." She leaned on the stand in a very inappropriate pose. Lee couldn't help, but smile. He bowed his head to hide it, and when he looked up again, his eyes were perfectly somber.

"Tell me, how did Zak pass his basic flight?"

---

A few years ago, a much younger and much less experienced flight instructor Kara "Starbuck" Thrace celebrated her fiancé's flight clearance. She celebrated with him, alright, though Zak seemed strangely quiet. She had the guilty feeling she knew what made him so thoughtful, so she gulped from her bottle of ambrosia and handed it over to him.

But instead of accepting the brew, he looked at her seriously.

"I want you to tell me the truth about something," he said.

Kara sighed with annoyance. She knew what he wanted to know, of course she knew, that was why she made herself drunk.

"You passed," she told him then, and she believed that. "By the skin of your teeth, but you passed."

But he still gazed at her somberly. "I don't want any special treatment. Not from my father, and certainly not from you."

"Zak," she said angrily at that. "I am a flight instructor. I'm not going to send you to Vipers if I don't think you've got the chops. Okay?"

She believed it then. And a few years later she believed it even more.

---

"What do you want?" she lashed out at Captain Adama. "Gods, Apollo, what's wrong with you?"

"I asked you a simple question, Kara."

"He passed, okay? I don't have his files here, so I can't tell you how he did on which maneuvers. But they were okay enough. Gods!" she stomped off the room, leaving her Captain even more concerned.

But she was concerned as well. Not at first, not immediately, her initial reaction was anger, fury at Lee Adama. The asshole big brother of her boyfriend, who never believed in Zak's abilities, who never valued Zak for anything at all.

Zak loved flying. The way he'd always talked about vipers, all the knowledge he'd had. From the start he'd been her best student, when it came to theory. She was so thrilled when she saw him in that front row a few days ago! She'd never understood his decision, all those years ago--

---

He was nervous that day, she could tell. She should have expected he was going to say something like that, from the way he opened the door for her when they were going out of the building. He'd never done something stupid like that, he'd known she'd blow up. Well she hadn't blown up, too preoccupied with the memory of his tender, eager kisses earlier in the lift.

Zak was acting strangely all evening. Usually he was fun to be with, laughable, easy going, never intimidated. Much like her. That evening however he spilled the beer on her blouse, and instead of licking it off, blushed and attempted to wipe it off with a tissue. Then he asked her not to drink too much. Then -- Then! He asked her to dance to a slow, romantic song.

She should have known.

"Kara," he begun when a delicate piano music started to flow. "You know how I feel about you?"

She didn't know. She knew he liked spending time with her. She knew he liked having sex with her. But there was never a talk about any feelings!

"I--" he choke. "I love you."

She was startled. She couldn't speak. Love? Her? Kara Thrace?

"Will you marry me?"

She stopped. The music stopped, or so it seemed to her ears. The whole damn world stopped. There was only him, his face, his eager brown eyes.

And he wanted to marry her? Why?

"You don't have to answer immediately." He cast his eyes downward. "I understand if you need to think, I caught you by surprise--" She should have said something then. She should have interrupted, answer one way or another -- that she'd marry him or not, that she needed to think about it, or that she knew the answer already. But she didn't know. And she wasn't even sure if she wanted to think about it. She'd never been much of a thinker. So she stared at him like frozen, and he continued blabbering. She didn't hear much until he said. "Since I wasn't going to fly vipers anyway, I thought we could be together without worrying about frater--"

"You weren't what?" she cut in, bewildered.

"I was--" he hesitated. "--going to resign."

"You weren't!"

"That's why I wanted to ask you to marry me first. Damn!" He fell silent, then looked up at her, knowing very well she was already furious. "I didn't want you to make the decision about us, influenced by that."

"Like frak you didn't!" she yelled then. "Gods, Zak, what's gotten into you? You love flying! You said you'd give anything to fly a viper. Gods!" she threw up her hands. "I believed that! I wanted to give anything, too, I've taken a risk--" she stopped, realizing it would be saying too much; not drunk enough to cross all the lines. Swallowed. "And you're rejecting it all now? Why? For what?"

"Because I don't feel like I have the chops, Kara," he said, and she didn't think she got the correct answer.

---

"Zak?" she asked him years later, when he was her student once more.

He looked up from under the viper, smiling, "What is it, instructor? I think I still remember what cables go where, Chief says I'm the best of my class in theory. Not so much when it comes to practice," he chuckled. "But I'll get there too, with time".

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," she admitted, staring at the tips of her shoes.

He was silent for a moment, then, "Uh?" he said, his voice three tones lower, and as much more somber.

"You sure you wanna do this?" she asked, looking up at him, the hurt in his eyes just the punishment she deserved.

"Do I want to fly vipers?" he confirmed. "Do you really have to ask?"

"I don't know," she deflected his accusation. "Last we talked you were resigning, because you didn't feel like it."

"Because I felt like--" he cut mid-sentence. Then inhaled, held his breath, bracing for upcoming impact. "Like you passed me because we slept together," he accused in a barely audible whisper. Of course he didn't need any accidental witnesses of that exchange. Because if that became public knowledge--

Kara didn't respond, only greeted her teeth, fuming wildly.

But he remembered--

---

"You weren't what?" she cut him short, when he admitted he wasn't going to fly vipers any more. "Gods, Zak, what's gotten into you? You love flying!" she yelled "You said you'd give anything to fly a viper, and I believed that! I wanted to give anything, too, I've taken a risk--" she stopped then and it didn't make much sense at the time, or maybe her questions, accusations a moment later, diverted his attention from that sentence, but deep down he always remembered what she'd said.

She'd taken a risk. If he needed any confirmation of his "not having the chops", that was that. She'd taken a risk. She'd passed him, though he hadn't been any good in the cockpit.

---

"You're just out of practice," she said in a calm voice, too calm for her. "You need to practice, and you'll get there. You'll fly as good as Rider or others."

"But never as good as Lee," he said softly too. "Apollo. Or you."

Kara shrugged. "Who knows?--"

"I know." Then-- "You spoke to him, didn't you?" he squinted, and she gazed questioningly. "Lee," he explained. "About how I'm not fit to fly a viper. It was him, he sowed that seed of doubt, didn't he? I should have known!"

He punched the viper's canopy. His brother was attempting to ruin his life once again.

But he couldn't quite ignore the reality there. He knew before and he knew now why Kara passed him. Although it took another day, and another disastrous flight in which he mistook left with right and quite effectively attempted to ram in the Demetrius' hull, to make him wake up and smell the coffee.

He went to his father, to hand him his resignation. But as he turned the last corner, and saw the marine standing guard out there, he hesitated, stopped, turned around and hid behind the corner. He couldn't breathe. Looked at the paper and tore it in tiny pieces. Grasping them in his palm, he realized someone was coming. From the direction of his the Commander's quarters. There was no escape, only hope it wasn't him.

It was him.

"Zak," the Commander smiled at the sight of his son. "I was thinking about you. Walk with me." They were headed for the CIC. "So, how is it going with the flight course?"

Zak gazed at him; was that really possible that the Commander didn't know?

"Okay," the son replied through a clenched throat.

Bill Adama's smile broadened.

"Son," he patted Zak's shoulder. "Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?" If Zak hadn't known better, he'd say there were tears in the Old Man's eyes.

Gods, yes you did! – he wanted to shout into his father's face. Once!

"The Fleet needs the pilots," the Commander continued unaware of his son's thoughts. "Vipers, and humans in them, are the only thing between us and the cylons. I'm happy to see you as one of my pilots."

Yes, William Adama had always dreamt that his sons would be like him one day. It was only proper for a loving father. That's why the decision Zak made years ago, was such a blow for him.

---

They were standing there, both of them, in the living room as he entered. They must have stood up, hearing him come in through the front door. Both of them. They always sided together -- Zak and his mother.

"Did you talk him into this?" Bill seethed immediately as he'd seen them.

"No," Carol Anne replied and the triumph was evident in her voice. "He's got his own senses."

"And those senses got him where!" Bill shouted. If there was a way to win Zak's future for him, his father was willing to take all means necessary. "Do you realize, that you can't just sign out of the military? That if you make a commitment, you have to stick to it? He might go to prison for that!" The threat had an effect. Carol Anne paled and looked at her younger son. With all her knowledge of the military, that one she didn't anticipate.

"Is that true?" she asked. Then turned to Lee, who stood behind the Commander's back, and asked again, louder, "Is that true?"

Both her and Zak looked at Lee, and William turned also. Lee was already opening his mouth when their eyes met, and the younger man changed his mind.

"The trainings cost a lot," he said softly, barely above a whisper, looking straight at his father. "And the Headquarters need a guarantee they'll get their money back." Bill gritted his teeth. That was not the statement he was expecting from Lee, but had Lee ever supported him? No! Lee shrugged. "That's the truth. He has to pay them back. And yes," he turned to Carol Anne and Zak, " if he doesn't pay, he'll be held in custody."

"Well I'm not going to pay," Bill stated through the clenched teeth. "That's for certain!"

---

He never paid. He was never even interested where they got the money from eventually, because they did. They had enough for Zak to take up law collage in fact -- one of the best on Caprica, the Plato Law School. But Bill hadn't asked any questions, too hurt, too bewildered with his son's decision. He'd been certain Zak loved flying and he couldn't, for the love of gods, understand why he decided to resign.

He was glad Zak changed his mind now, and joined the squad. Whatever objections Lee had about his little brother flying, were not confirmed by the flight instructor, so all was for the best.

Except for one thing -- the flight instructor herself.

"Zak," Bill started, unsure for a moment, but then he realized he was the Commander, he had to keep the guard of the rules on the Galactica. "Zak, about you and Kara."

Zak looked up, already understanding what that would be about.

"Frat policy," he spat.

"That's right, son," Bill tried to sound compassionate. "I know how you two feel about each other, and I'm sorry--"

"Unnecessarily," Zak cut in, head bowed. "I think -- I think maybe that wouldn't be bad after all." He gazed up again, his dark eyes even darker with emotion. "I'll end it with her."

With that he turned away and walked quickly down the corridor, head bowed, fists clenched tightly at his sides.

His father watched him for a moment, not realizing that in those fists, soaked with the young man's sweat, was his son's another resignation.

But Zak wasn't going to resign this time, not anymore. He loved flying. Perhaps Lee was right, perhaps he'd wanted to become a pilot to please their father, but after he'd tried that, he wanted to do it for himself. He was ready to give up Kara for that, he really was. As stunning as the thought was, he knew this was a necessary sacrifice. Always the most religious of their family, though maybe not as religious as Kara, this time he thought that if he made this sacrifice, the gods would smile upon him, and grant him their bounty.

---

t.b.c.


End file.
